Help - I dont feel like I'm coping, or enjoying my new baby....

[Welshthang]

Sorry for long moan, but i feel a bit at the end of my tether. My DS is 9 months old, and was diagnosed with silent reflux at about 2 weeks. He's always been a bit of a touchy baby, but in recent weeks i feel like things are falling apart - he currently has a chest infection (he was prescribed antibiotics) after having an ear infection (for which he was also prescribed antibiotics- idiot mum here administered the first lot incorrectly, which meant he was getting a tenth of the dose he should have had!), he's teething and NOT SLEEPING - I'm at my wits end through lack of kip, and feeding him is really difficult (its never been easy with a reflux baby, but now he vomits when he coughs, and gags and vomits copiously if he gets even the tiniest amount of something thats not the consistency of puree. Is this normal with reflux babies? When does reflux start to improve? Can someone reassure me that there is light at the end of the tunnel - I'm currently getting up about 5 - 10 times a night with the little man, before bringing him to bed with me. My husband has been brilliant, but I'm on easter hols at the moment (I'm back at work full time) so i've tended to bear the brunt in the last few weeks. Someone PLEASE tell me he'll sleep a bit better son, that his cough will eventually stop, and that he'll start eating something approximating normal food soon. On top of my growing feelings of inadequacy, i've also received bad news about my mum's health, which i cant even begin to process at the moment as it seems that every waking moment I'm anxious about my baby. I'm so crap at the Mum thing - I've started to second guess every thing i do, to the point where i dont feel i'm enjoying having my baby at all - all my friend with babies of similar ages seem to be coping brilliantly and having a marvellous time - what's wrong with me???

Anyone? Please?

poor you! You have said yourself that lack of sleep is affecting you. Try and get a nap during the day when ds sleeps and you will feel much better for it. No exp of reflux sorry but maybe it will sort itself out when he is fully weaned? Keep going- you are doing a great job!

I don't know much about reflux, but I am sure you are not a crap Mum just a very worried and worn out one!

What do your doctor/hv say about it?

Hi Welshthang.. no advice for you but huge sympathies.. Why not try posting this in weaning/health forum and you may get somone who knows a bit about reflux to offer you some advice. I have a DS 9 months old who has NEVER slept for more than 3 hours at a time so completely know where you are coming from regarding the sleep deprivation. Im lucky that I am not back to work till June... you must be exhausted.

Have you considered a Cranial Osteopath? We have decided it might be worth a try for our LO and when I looked at the blurb on the site it mentioned they could help with reflux... maybe worth a go.

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you're finding it hard at the moment. I don't have any experience of reflux babies, but a lot of what you describe doesn't sound unusual and it will pass, even though you feel like it will never end.

Weaning - the gagging thing is a normal part of starting to deal with solids, although it looks frightening the babies are pretty good at dealing with it. Just keep on offering what you are doing, gradually increasing the textures. If he still has plenty of milk, don't worry in the slightest if he's not taking much solid. There's still loads of time.

Teething and health - there can come a point where they are starting to build up an immune system where they can seem permanently ill - my ds always seems to have a cough or a cold of some description. Most cough remedies are useless but you have the antibiotics. Have you tried medised? It can help with the teething but also helps them sleep a bit better.

Sleep - my ds didn't sleep through until after he was 1. I do sympathise but it will eventually get better. Just do whatever you feel gets you all the most sleep and don't worry about getting into bad habits. Again there is still plenty of time for new routines to establish themselves.

I bet lots of your friends have similar issues but are just putting a brave face on it! You probably just find it much harder because you've had some bad news about your mum. You sound to me like a very dedicated mum who wants the best for her son, so please don't feel like there's nothing wrong with you!
HTH

Thanks so much for all the kind words- I am worn out, youre right! Little Man is drinking enough milk ( I think - about 600 - 700 mls a day???) but to cap everything off, his cough seems WORSE today - really chesty, and he's as grumpy as you like and fighting sleep. He's nearly finished his antibiotics now, so i've started to worry insanely all over again. Will I EVER regain any peace of mind again???? Oh - and my pharmacist refused to flog me another bottle of Medised as she said it was for over 2s only, so I am reduced to bog standard calpol. Nice.

welshthang'hi my son had reflux up to his 1st birthday'sick on me him visitors furniture im sure you can relate!!'it will pass just hang in there all it is basically is that the valve that closes the food pipe is underdevloped and needs time to get stronger.my son's 1st year was misserable too i had pnd v.bad and he had a near constant cold and had 2 burst ear drums plus a sickness bug that he had for 2 whole weeks.hes 20 months now im fine hes fine and lifes great .hope you feel better soon

Hi Welshthang. You sound like you're having a really tough time - my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry I don't have much experience of the specific problems you're having but I do know how when you've got a baby all the problems and insecurities can really get on top of you and it can be really hard to cope or see a way out, especially if you're sleep deprived too.

I would suggest firstly going back to your GP and telling him about the baby's reflux/vomitting/coughing/medication but also your own lack of sleep/anxiety etc.

Secondly do you have any friends or family nearby who you can talk to honestly about all this? Outwardly, you may be giving people the impression that all is fine and dandy and you're coping brilliantly - let them know you're not coping and I'm sure they will be only too happy to help. It sounds like you need a big hug and a shoulder to cry on, but also maybe some practical help just so you can have a break to do something for yourself or catch up on some sleep.

Please try not to be so hard on yourself - you're certainly not a crap mum, in fact it sounds as if you worry about your baby so much that you're not looking after your own needs properly. I hope your Mum will be OK and that things start to look up again soon for you. x x x

I have no experience with reflux (although ds 8 months, has just been prescribed Gaviscon to see if reflux is causing his grumpiness) I doubt it as he sleeps so well at night but I thought it was worth a try.

Anyway, just wanted to sympathise, i know how hard grumpy babies can be. You sound like a completely devoted mummy and I think it's completely normal to worry about your babies health.

Of course, you want him to be healthy and happy. It is so so miserable when you seem to be the only one who is struggling to keep it together. My friend's seem to breeze through motherhood and their babies seem so bloody content. I always doubt myself and wonder what the hell I'm doing wrong! Thankfully, I've had many kind words from people on mumsnet in similar situations to me which does make it easier.

I used to really worry about ds' eating, he used to gag on the tiniest lumps and vomit as soon as he gagged. It is extremely hard to get him to eat solids as he is constantly trying to get out of the highchair, crying, wriggling, arching his back. I have found it a challenge but he is getting better. He does really well with finger foods, although he still gags he doesn't do it as often and is rarely sick.

I would deffinitely go back to your doctors and voice your concerns. I know how tempting it is to stay at home and make out everythings fine but really, you need to tell your doctor how you feel. You know your baby and if you are not satisfied then tell them. I actually just changed doctors a couple of weeks ago as my last one was crap with babies and just didn't care. The new one is lovely and I feel much more comfortable talking to her. Perhaps you could find a new doctor or health visitor to talk to.

The bottom line is that there is plenty of time to increase solids. He is getting plenty of milk so he will be fine.

I know you feel useless and really aren't enjoying motherhood right now. There are lots of people who feel this for the first year or so. Things can be very hard and look very bleak. I felt like a bag of crap the other week and couldn't stop sobbing at what a shit mother I was and how all my friends can cope when i'm so crap. It's hard and I sympathise with you. A lot of what you are saying reminded me of exactly how I feel sometimes. Thank God I get to sleep at night. You must be a bloody saint!You are doing great in a very difficult and worrying situation.

Please don't see it as your failings. Things will get better. You will enjoy your baby. I keep counting down to ds' first birthday (not that things will miracullously get better then) but I feel it is my aim at the moment and then I can hopefully assess the year and see how far we've come. Only 16 weeks to go! You are doing fine. Sending you hugs though! x