Hi all,
Just wondering how others cope with OCD and anxiety. I have had both since I was a child. Neither myself nor my parents knew what it was. I remember it starting after my grandmother passed when I was 11, I would pray constantly and think that if I didn't bad things would happen. I started with thinks like checking locks on doors numerous times always having to be a set number like 5 or 10, washing hand intensely until they were raw, flicking light switches a certain number of times, always having to touch things last with right hand or foot which would see me going in or out of rooms to make sure my right foot was the last one in the room, repeating things over and over until I say it right. Honestly, it has taken up so much of my brain power the last 20 years. I did speak to a doctor once who wanted to give me medication but I don't want to go down that route.
I just feel like the weirdest person on the planet. I think its maybe due to loss of my grandmother at a young age unexpectedly (it was also one week after my birthday and she was due to come the following day with a card for me, she passed during the night and when we got call she had passed we went to her house where my grandfather was, he said she had left the card on the dresser for me and the message she wrote me was something she had never written before almost like she knew she wouldn't see me again) and I think its the idea of that loss of control in that situation that doing these little things that I am in control of could possibly stop something bad happening.
I just wonder does anyone else do these kind of things or is it just me? I am sure there has to be other but sometimes I feel like I am the only one. My partner is aware I do it and its so unconscious at this point I don't realize. Like for example I always give other people the plate or cup that is laid out on the right and hand it with my right hand. He sometimes will take the plate on the left and tell me its ok nothing will happen but its not something we talk about often.
I have weeks and months where it doesn't take over my mind and I am more relaxed and then in times of stress I get really bad again. For example, lately I have a lot going on and have started blessing all the windows and doors before bed and my daughter and when doing so my hair has to be over my right shoulder fully not a strand out of place. I am counting when I wash my hands, right hand last under the water, praying every night sometimes repeating myself 3 times. And when I start to think negatively I have to say 'banana' just a funny word to break the negative thoughts thread. Its exhausting but my brain wont let me not do it out of fear something will happen that I could have prevented if I had just followed the routine.
Does anyone do this too and how do you cope?