Help with neighbour

[neighbourfriend]

I have a neighbour who is in her 70s who has lived alone for many years and is very stuck in her ways. She has family but doesn't see them often, and when she does she finds it difficult as she is so used to being by herself, but I know she is lonely. I invite her over once a week for a cup of tea with me and my young children which she seems to really enjoy and I like her very much, but I can tell she annoys her family. For example, her son visited her for the first time this year but they ended up eating separately as she likes to eat early and he likes to eat late!! Does anyone have any practical advice on helping her relax and enjoy socialising? She told me she is now dreading Christmas as she won't get to eat what she likes when she likes!! I know she sounds difficult but I also know it stems from her loneliness.

Well done you on being such a good neighbour, its great that this lady has you looking out for her. I do not see why she needs to change her ways her son needs to show her some respect and compromise on things like eating times when he visits her.

Thank you so much for your reply and perspective. I guess I am a bit of a people pleaser so it's useful to hear and I think you're right - surely her children should be more accommodating.

You're so kind hearted OP.
I have no advice but this has really warmed my heart.

I’d just carry in as you are

tbh you’ve described her as set in her ways , difficult and wants what she wants when she wants people won’t put up with that guessing that’s why she’s lonely and has no friends
there’ll be years of history with the family so I definitely wouldn’t judge them

Just carry on and don't get embroiled in their family situation too much. Other than just pointing out that we all have to compromise sometimes I'm not sure what you can do. Have you got an extra place at Christmas? Unless you want her to join you, I'd steer away from this conversation.

Be careful op.
It’s kind of you to invite the lady over.
But take what she says with a pinch of salt. Also you don’t know what her parenting was like.

My df is lonely and apparently nobody visits him. We all live away but one of us visits at least once every 3 weeks.
He also is very rigid in his routine and expects us to fall in line regardless. My df sat in our house one Christmas and told his cousin on the phone that he’d only got one present. He was surrounded by gifts.
He also told them that our house was freezing cold, (all the radiators were on and the wood burner was blazing ). We were walking around in t shirts.

There’s 2 sides to every story.

Very good points, thank you.
I guess what I am noticing is, the more time she spends by herself, the less tolerant she seems when spending time with others!! But you are right I don't know the back story, so I will just stick to our weekly cup of tea and chit chat!