Tell me about your experiences of BPD/EUPD TW Suicide

[MontezumasPuma]

DH has BPD/EUPD and cPTSD. Psychiatrist diagnosed after a long period of self-harm and a very serious suicide attempt 5 years ago (not sectioned, they sent him home with Crisis Team).

I’ve been supporting him for 7 years. I’m completely exhausted and it’s affecting my health. We’re on the point of divorce. We have two young DCs and I now have SS early help involvement which I requested because of SH’s verbal abuse towards me (never the children).

I’ve bought Stop Walking on Eggshells, referred myself for help from a BPD charity and made a DVS referral for the verbal abuse.

He’s a wonderful hands on father and the children adore him but the moment he’s not taking any responsibility for his behaviour and is telling me I’m as bad as him (I’m not) and I need to sort out my mental health. He’s been through so much therapy that he says he can’t face any more. He’s on Sertraline but that’s it. He was given quetiapine when he was suicidal but it caused a major psychotic episode (while I was on my own with him with an 18 mo old 😵‍💫).

I’ve spoken to 111 and his CPN, but they say they can’t do anything unless he refers himself or is a danger to himself or others. Apparently verbal abuse doesn’t count.

Can anyone offer some experience or inspiration, as I’m at breaking point and so is our marriage. Please be gentle.

I was diagnosed in 2016. Had 18 months of therapy. As of 2019 I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria and live a normal life. I don't get the mood swings anymore and the depression is gone. I've been off all mental health meds for over 5 years and coped with several very traumatic events since then including being widowed.

It is a very treatable/curable illness despite the stigma surrounding it. He needs to want to get better though. And you can't force that on him.

If he won't engage any further with treatment it might be time to put yourself first.

Thank you. That’s the point I’m reaching, especially as it’s affecting the DCs. He’s switched from directing it at home self to directing it at me.

I’m so glad to hear your life is better ❤️

Sorry to hear about the stress you are under, it sounds very difficult. Involving SS certainly sounds sensible but MH team need to come up with a plan too. His behaviour still presents a risk to you and your children.You cannot live with verbal abuse and he needs to seek alternative accommodation if it continues.

What has he been offered in terms of therapy? Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Mentalisation Based Therapy (MBT) are considered most effective for EUPD. Sometimes exploring trauma can have a very destabilising effect.

There isn't much of an evidence base for medication but some individuals may derive benefit. It's weighing up the benefits against (sometimes considerable) side effect profiles esp in the case of antipsychotics and mood stabilisers. Might be worth considering in short term. It would be unusual for quetiapine to induce a psychotic episode. What did his team say about this? Very transient psychosis and dissociation can occur with EUPD. This is in part what the original 'borderline' referred to.

It sounds like you have been doing your best to support him but he needs to engage as the previous poster said. It is not uncommon for people to improve with time and support. You can only express your concerns to MH team and request a plan. If his abusive behaviour does not abate then he will simply have to leave.