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Feeling very low

3 replies

PandaWorld · 03/07/2024 19:02

Things just seem to be getting worse and worse for me.

I am 39 in a few weeks and have nothing to show for it. I have 2 chronic illnesses, no kids and am single. In a stressful and poorly paid job which is emotionally draining too but done this line of work for nearly 20 years and all my qualifications are in it so not so easy to just re train.
I am very ugly physically. I used to have a good figure but have put on a stone and a half in just a few years despite not eating anywhere near enough and walking a lot. Even when I am in pain through my illness I still walk but here I am at 5'3 and 9 stone 7. I look pregnant and bloated and along with my hair that is starting to gray, I just look horrible.
My teeth are impacted by my illness but my dentist is very critical. Despite spending lots of time brushing, I still have plaque build up which seems unfathomable. He kept going on at my last appointment, saying I shouldn't have left it a year and I need to be seeing him more regularly. Made me feel dirty.

I still live at home. My parents are fairly young but my mother acts more like she is 90 and is always complaining about her various aches and pains as well as her severe tiredness and hearing problems. She won't get anything treated by the GP and instead just moans about it. Anyone would think she had the chronic illnesses, not me. She hasn't had to work for many years either.
I have a sibling who has a partner although it's more of a friendship but he has spoilt her rotten for 3 years and he is paying the mortgage on a flat so despite us living near London and them on a joint salary of about 33k, they are able to move out together. My other sibling looks down on me because of my life situation, but is all over my sister as she is living a life he sees as respectable, with her partner. My mother adores them and even bought my sister and her partner double presents at Christmas which to be honest, really hurt as childish as that sounds. It came across like they were being rewarded for being in a couple but I didn't deserve the same. The way they treat me adds to my self loathing.

I am the cinderella in the family, the one who is expected to be a carer in the future and the one who shouldn't expect much. I haven't been on holiday for 20 years as have nobody to go with and in all honesty, I am tired of doing everything alone. I have tried clubs but they just haven't worked for me as most of the people already knew each other.

I feel there is no joy in my life and am ashamed of how I present to others. I've noticed that in my life, people love me when I am of use or when they are having a hard time, but as soon as they are over that, they disappear.i just feel so alone and have nobody to talk to. I can only see things getting much worse. My mother's health declining even more, my health declining especially as the menopause years hit and I just see no brightness to come in my future.

OP posts:
Annikaanonymous · 03/07/2024 19:37

Sorry to hear what you’re going through OP. I have an invisible illness and I know how hard that can be. I’m older than you and work in childcare but many see the work as ‘easy’ when it’s really not. As regards your hair, mine is receding slightly at the front and grey (but I do now colour it). Are you able to look into this perhaps? I know when my hair is done, I feel so much better and confident. You mention weight..would it be worth speaking with your GP perhaps? I’m peri so I’ve put on weight but try different outfits to help make me feel good.

Joining clubs..nightmare! I’ve tried a few and just didn’t gel. Volunteering is a good way to meet others but not always to make friends, as like you say, they already have plenty and know one another.

Would moving out be an option? Perhaps sharing? I know how expensive this can be. As regards your family, it wouldn’t be fair for you to be the cared, you have your own health to take care of.

Sorry hope this isn’t too much, just didn’t want to read and go.

PandaWorld · 09/07/2024 21:58

Thanks for replying.

I can't afford to move out unfortunately. My only option is to move somewhere very cheap but that won't be easy and will come with it's own problems but looks like I have no choice.
I'm dieting at the moment even though I don't really eat as it is so not sure why all the weight is piling on. I have regular bloods and nothing has come up.

I am terrified about becoming a carer. I will have to put very strong boundaries down which isn't easy for someone like me. Physically I couldn't do it nor mentally. Yet on one of my other posts, people were saying it's my duty and 'There will come a time when it becomes impossible to move out as your parents will really need your help and it would be selfish to go.'

The future feels really bleak. I feel old, ugly and like I have nothing to look forward to.

OP posts:
Annikaanonymous · 14/07/2024 07:31

Your welcome, I understand how you are feeling.

I’m not a carer and whilst I admire those that do it, won’t be doing it myself. So yes, strong boundaries indeed. You’re not selfish at all, but some people are ridiculous with expectations!

I’ll be trying out a taster at the local community to join a choir, who knows I may make a friend. Keep trying, keep talking…it does help!

Best of luck.

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