Recently, I went on a sort of mini school reunion after 30 odd years. Normally, I would avoid this sort of thing but, this time, I was spurred on by another of my contemporaries.
l was quite studious and it was quite a rough school so people expected big things of me. Unfortunately, I crashed and burned after university, and, in terms of career, my life hasn't amounted to much. I did try to get myself out of the rut a year ago but the job interview I went to was disastrous due to my lack of recent experience.
In addition to that, I brought up one child with ADHD and the jury is out on the other one. Then I went on to care for my mum with dementia until it all got too much. On top of that, I have lost quite a chunk of my hearing, which started in childhood. Even though hearing aids help a lot, it is still very noticeable so it's something I have to be upfront about now.
So, anyway, this old friend asked what I had been doing and when I told him, he was stunned and said he was really surprised I wasn't a teacher or something as I was always dead clever. It wasn't in a mean way but it has always been a sensitive point so I have always kind of hidden myself away from people from my past.
Regarding my current job, I have a really good rapport with most of my colleagues, but find the job unfulfilling and the managers quite stressy.
This whole thing has left me really unsettled and determined to make changes I have wanted to make for most of my life but something stops me.
I think it's partly fear of failure and also fear of pressure. I can be creative and produce good work but don't feel I could churn out stuff using my brain on a daily basis. I do have a creative hobby on the side, however.
Can anyone relate?