I’ve been a bit under the weather recently. Had a sickness bug passed on by the kids that knocked me for six for quite a while.
I feel like I get so panicky when I’m feeling very ill. It’s hard for me to put into words now that I’m feeling a bit better and more like myself - I think my brain blocks out the memory!
But when my sickness was at its worst, I was feeling dreadful. Panicking about what would happen to my kids if I had to go to hospital (very unlikely!), feeling dizzy, like my brain wasn’t working, just wanting my husband to sit and hold my hand, not wanting to move, feeling very much on the edge of losing my head. I feel like it was maybe the start of a panic attack and I have felt like this before, but just for very short moments.
I do quite a public-facing job. Without being too outing, this involves me presenting to groups of around 40 people several times a week. Occasionally, whilst doing this I have felt suddenly dizzy or off balance and can feel the panic starting to rise. I wonder if I’m going to collapse, what people will do etc. Usually I can manage to get myself under control in a minute or so but it is the most horrible feeling when it is happening.
Another area this affects me in is travel - I haven’t been on a plane in a VERY long time because I always get very sick and panicky on them (absolutely no fear of flying but fear of being sick and knowing how ill they make me feel). Now that I have children, the thought of having to deal with them and feel like that is just too much to bear.
Sorry, this post seems very rambling. Really I just wonder am I destined to spend the rest of my life feeling like this? Are there things I can do to help? Therapy? Hypnosis? It would just be so comforting to know there are others who maybe feel a bit like I do.