I'll try my best to articulate this correctly
I've been on ESA for years. My mental health is shot. I have terrible anxiety, depressions and OCD like intrusive thoughts.
I'm agoraphobic
I don't leave the house without a chaperone (my youngest child is 14 so either one of my kids or my husband)
I feel scared even putting the bins out.
I can't walk my dogs as I feel like they're going to get run over or just die if there's not someone with me etc...
My financial situation has got alot worse so months ago I applied for PIP.
I'm currently on medication and have had CBT therapy. I'm awaiting taking therapy.
But I've been doing alot of work on my own.
I've lost a lot of weight and want to be healthier.
There have been times over the last 2 weeks where I've wanted to go for a walk round the park or try to go to the local shop to buy a drink or something.
But I've stopped myself every single time because I feel like if I have my assessment for PIP soon and tell them I can go for a walk alone or go to the shop alone they won't award it.
I absolutely cannot work right now but I want to get better but I feel like I can't even try some very small things to push myself as I will then be seen as well enough to work.
Does that make sense?
And I don't want to lie to my assessor so I'm just staying how I've been for years even though there's a growing part of me that wants to try and leave the house alone.
But if I do that I won't be able to get the PIP I need to relieve some of the stress