Woke up this morning and realised it's stress.

[decionsdecisions62]

So I've been crying occasionally on the drive to work, crying at work, having pains in my chest, grinding my teeth and now I have jaw problems. I cried on a recent 4 day break abroad. Feeling like I can't enjoy anything. Sending emails that colleagues have noticed are curt.

This morning I woke up after not being able to work out why I'm feeling what I'm feeling and said 'it's stress'

For context I'm a senior lecturer, aged 57, I work full time, have a daughter with disability and I'm her main carer and 3 years ago suffered a suicide of my brother.

The question is do I just go off sick, I feel that might make me more stressed. Do I speak to someone and try and work a couple of days a week for a period of time? I can't really think straight which absolutely isn't me! I do have a 2 week holiday coming up on 21/7. I've got a feeling it won't be enough.

Has your teaching finished for the year? Are you under any pressure to publish/write this summer? Are you under pressure to develop new courses for September?

I'm mainly involved in writing and running programmes. So I don't actually feel I get much downtime and it's been that way for me since 2018. I feel a massive sense of imposter syndrome at the moment too like I should be doing X and Y but can't.

I really think you should consider speaking to your GP and getting some time off authorised.

Sorry @decionsdecisions62 posted too soon and can't seem to edit.

I think your chest pains should not be ignored. I think see your GP and if possible get some time off and maybe use that time to look into what resources are available to help you cope with stress in the longer term. Stress can be insidious - it really does creep up on and you and then catch up with you. Don't ignore it. Hope things improve soon.

You need to go off sick. At the moment your body is constantly producing stress hormones and that literally damages your body. Go to the GP, explain the situation, and get signed off for at least two weeks initially (it takes one just to stop the stress hormone production).

I’ve been there. It’s vitally important to look after yourself and you need it.

I'm just wracked with guilt about heaping work on my colleagues if I go sick altogether.

I've been sick with stress and recognise a lot of what you're saying. I'm also aware of how relentless and stressful senior lecturer positions are. People in teaching and lecturing positions normalise really unhealthy expectations on themselves WRT working long hard hours relentlessly.

Yes I think you should get signed off sick for a bit - I'm talking a few months minimum. Use the time to actively work on improving your mental health - do some therapy, get out in nature, read fiction you love, get art and crafty, whatever brings you joy that you don't normally have time for. Eat nutritious food, get complementary therapy support (eg reiki, aromatherapy, bach flower essences). You can reflect on what changes you need to make/ask for at work in order to be able to maintain a better equilibrium.

I'm an academic. We all know the pressures. No one will blame you. There might be a small half an hour of "great, another module!" But ultimately people understand the bigger picture.

Are you in a research intensive uni? If I were you I'd not go sick and just stick your OOO on over summer and say you're focusing on research. Take a step back. Then go sick in September if you're still feeling bad.

Is there counselling support as part of your work? Access that if available. Could you retire as it sounds like you' ve had enough.
Don't overthink your colleagues as its not your responsibility to worry about them. If you're sick, you're sick. If you had to have surgery they would survive. You need to take care of yourself.
Do get a heart assessment as, knowing your heart is in good shape helps with chest pain as you can stop panic setting in when you know it's stress not a cardiac episode.

@decionsdecisions62 I don't mean to be morbid or unnecessarily blunt but your co-worker would prefer you to be alive, I am sure.

Please - chest pains is not something to joke with. Go to your GP, take the time you need and come back healthy.