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I know my childhood is affecting me as an adult - Yet can't ascertain how and what to do to about it?!!

5 replies

AquaMoose · 26/06/2024 03:25

At times I want to scream at the top of my lungs of how angry and upset I feel of everything thats happened to me, yet at the same time I've been made to feel like this was/is the norm as my siblings/family don't appreciate what happened as I am the eldest and they do not remember or when I bring it up they dismiss it!
I thought i'd forgave my mum after what she put me through, but as I've got older and the way she's recently treated me after leaving my husband and her lack of support and thinking now she's Mary Bloody Poppins and criticism of me when I wasn't at my best has enraged the anger in me again!!

I haven't spoken to her for over a yr due to the way she treats me. I've just fell out with my younger sister as she doesnt understand why I feel this way as mum treats her completely different. It's as if me and my brother don't exist and me being the last in co-existence. Times were completely different when I was with my husband and I was well off and now I realise I was obviously benefiting her life and since I've left him doesn't need me anymore...

I'm fuming as the abuse I received as a child I know is affecting me as an adult and how I've raised my family. I constantly feel like I'm not being the best parent, always have the guilts, even though I'm doing nothing wrong and being the best parent ever. I over compensate to be honest.

I've tried journaling to get it all out! Where do you start to ascertain why you are a certain way when you do not know? How do you get rid of how you feel when you can't change what's happened? When you do not want to open a can of worms as the lid will blow off? When the people that have effected you live with no empathy so how will I get any closure?

When you do not want to speak to anyone about it as you feel like its a dirty little secret and it was normal and now feel to blame?!

OP posts:
Mayyay · 26/06/2024 04:32

Wow I'm in exactly the same situation as you. All of it completely mirrors my life. I'm the eldest, have split from my husband, etc

I don't know where to go with this, it affects my entire life. I have signed up for trauma counselling which I start next week.

Please free feel to message me if you'd like to.

lifesrichpageant · 26/06/2024 06:19

therapy therapy therapy! And find some books. There's a good one called "How to be the love you seek" which helps to address ways to self-soothe and deal with the anger. And "Adult children of emotionally immature parents" is a good starting point. I think both are available as audiobooks.

It won't be like this forever, good luck!

ConsistentlyPeeved · 26/06/2024 07:22

Those books sound great.

I'm sorry you went through this OP, my relationship with my own mother is very complex and I've had therapy for it. It did help a lot, and it also taught me about boundaries and what is not OK. I blamed myself for a lot of my own childhood and thought everything was my fault (as I was told so) but with therapy I've come to forgive myself as I was only a child and the adult (mum) should have been doing the adulting!
My mother brought drama to my life in indescribable ways. I've found keeping my distance helps me to keep my peace.

Neverregretasingsong · 26/06/2024 07:27

Are counselling and therapy the same thing? My husbands situation is very similar and I’d love to help him. He had CBT in the past to help manage anger and depressive thoughts but didn’t find it terribly helpful. I’ve been thinking about counselling for him.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/06/2024 08:37

Therapy

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