Feel so sad about family situation

[Spendysis]

I have other threads on here about my dsis financial abusing my dm but to cut along story short dsis has always been a financial nightmare all my adult life borrowed from me and tens of thousands from dm now elderly.

dm wasn’t getting her bank statement turned off by the app by dsis apparently so I took her to the bank she told me dsis had taken £10k in 6 months from her account without her knowing this put me in a difficult situation so a family meeting was called and I politely told dsis she may get caught by the bank it could be seen as depreciation of assets etc never accused her of stealing etc

we were all very close she has since then blocked me and my family made it difficult for me to see dm god knows what she’s telling her and mutual family friends as to why we aren’t at family gatherings I know it’s her behaviour I know it’s all about the money to her she wants me out the way so she can continue to help herself to dm money she has registered poa and removed me as poa I think has changed dm will and is trying to do equity release on dm house i have finally reported her

i am not asking for advice on that I just didn’t want to drip feed. I am so incredibly hurt by dsis blocking us all and literally throwing me under a bus to get all the inheritance we don’t need it to survive we certainly aren’t well off but manage unlike her but our half could of given my dc house deposits my dc who had a very close relationship with her particularly as she never had her own dc

i am sad dm will pass knowing her only dc aren’t speaking not my choice and dm doesn’t seem bothered because of what dsis is feeding her I would be heartbroken as a parent

I feel the last few years of dm life is tainted by this I am missing out on spending time with her excluded from celebrations Christmas Mother’s Day etc and I know this is probably unreasonable of me I feel disappointed in her for not standing up to dsis my dc who are young adults have lost all respect for her think she’s not interested etc

I have done nothing wrong but I seem to be the only one affected here I am sad anxious all the time it’s effecting my health as I have ibs and it’s all constantly on my mind

I'm in a similar situation - my brother has worked hard, over many years, to ensure that he is the sole beneficiary of my parents estate. He and I have been estranged for almost 25 years now and, after my mother died, my father disowned me, no doubt influenced by my brother. (There is a wrinkle; we were both adopted and I searched for and found both birth parents. As far as I know he didn't).

What can you do about it? Absolutely nothing. You can't control what other people say, think or do, no matter how unfair or unreasonable they are being or what lies they are telling. You CAN control how you think and feel about it. Once you accept that you are now free to live your own life with your family and stop caring about what they do you will have peace of mind. If necessary think about some therapy to be able to achieve this.

Abuse of POA is probably more common than you think. You need to speak to a solicitor. You could report her to the Office of the Public Guardian for abusing your DM financially, (and as neither of them are speaking to you youve already sadly lost the relationship through no fault of your own) but the chances are that the monies have already been spent by her and the likelihood of your DM getting it back is minimal, although DSis could be prosecuted.

I have reported it to opg and adult social services who I have now found out yesterday have contacted the police as they contacted me to arrange to come and discuss it with me and i have contacted a solicitor

it’s the emotional side I am struggling with i feel so hurt and sad my sister would do this for money she cut me off has nothing to do with my dc who she was very close to and the last few years of my dm life is now tainted by dsis behaviour I am looking into therapy

I now also have anxiety about the police coming not that I have done anything wrong just never thought we would end up in this situation

Heard from a friend well someone who my dd works with in the local shop that dsis was away this weekend so thought me and dd would go and see dm without being watched dsis has put a ring doorbell in and every time I go round dsis rings dm

was about to turn into dm drive and I see dsis friend pulling out the drive she pulled over and wound the window down and I felt was a bit abrupt with me I said hi you ok and she just said if you are going to see your mum she’s away and drove off no idea what she was doing at dms she wasn’t drawing the curtains or anything nice how she has a key to my childhood home when I don’t as dsis had the locks changed

I have socialised with this friend through my dsis for years and while I expect her to take dsis side as she hasn’t heard mine and dsis is a liar it’s hurtful she couldn’t be civil or pleasant to me

i am the one who has done nothing wrong but seem to be the one getting getting hurt and suffering in this situation

Well it looks like dsis has managed to do the equity release on dm house I registered for alerts with the land registry and am email came through yesterday saying there is a pending charge on dm property

Can you follow up with adult social services and tell them about the equity release? May kick them into gear a bit.

I think you need your go back to the police about this. I'm sorry you are in this situation.

Yes I am going to i have emailed office if public guardian who have supposedly been investigating this since April i will contact adult social services and chase up the police who the social worker forwarded it to they contacted me a few weeks ago to arrange an interview but never got back to me and as I am off this week it would be convenient for me to do the interview this week

I will be chasing it up with the police

Update the police called me back I gave them some information and they are investigating it not heard anything since no idea if they have spoken to dsis or dm yet. Dm wouldn’t remember anyway. I ended up calling the dr got some sleeping tablets and a sick note but haven’t been off as I think i am probably better in work rather than sitting at home thinking everything over

Wasn’t having a good day today yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of losing Dcat. It’s dsis fault we ended up with Dcat as they were for sale at dd riding school and she convinced me to have him. It dawned on me it’s over a year since she cut me off so probably doesn’t know he’s gone it was dh cousin dd graduation last week the cousin is also dsis best friend they all went out to celebrate like we did for dd but obviously this time we weren’t invited things like this trigger me

I am hurt my dsis has blocked me hurt at being excluded i am hurt she has thrown me under a bus spent dm money and changed the will lucky for me I didn’t plan my finances based on inheritance unlike dsis who has an interest only mortgage and no way to pay it other than inheritance but she doesn’t know that. I probably irrational here but I am hurt and disappointed in dm for allowing all this although she is being manipulated.