EMDR - struggling to engage

[SevenKingsMustDie]

I am five sessions in to EMDR that I was referred for following workplace bullying.

I am struggling with engaging with it - I am just sitting there following the object with my eyes and thinking "what am I supposed to be doing? What is supposed to be happening? How does this work?", and feeling like a massive idiot/fraud for being there.

My therapist keeps talking about it being 'bottom up' rather than 'top down' therapy, meaning I think that it's not about your brain being in control and it will work if you trust it.

I'm on the verge of giving up - any advice from anyone?

That's interesting. I don't know anyone who speaks positively about it so I will be interested to see if people are more in favour on here.

I’ve had edmr and found it really good. I think you have to follow the directions and move your eyes around as directed. I do remember thinking what on earth am I doing and feeling like a bit of a wally but it’s really worked for me.

It worked brilliantly (and quickly) for me.

Is the therapist getting you to sit in the traumatic memory whilst following the lights/objects?

This. You're supposed to be in the memory otherwise yes, you're literally just moving your eyes. It's been life changing for me

My therapist adapted it for me due to my disabilities. I tapped my knees and closed my eyes for the whole time so an adaption may help. It worked brilliantly (not a cure but amazing all the same). You have to trust the process. I went every week for about 12 weeks thinking what am I doing, but feeling after waiting 5 years on an nhs waiting list it was my last hope so I'd stick with it. It just suddenly clicked and I started feeling a bit better, then I'd go a few more weeks and something else would click. I remember having to go right back to my childhood and thinking what's this got to do with traumatic events in my 30s but one day it was like a realisation how all my life had lead to my reaction after having traumatic event. I wished I'd been honest about my struggle with the therapist (I did tell her after it had clicked the first time I'd been really struggling with the process). To give you an idea I started beginning of April, the actual emdr started in May and it was Sept before I felt that it was helping.

Have you told your therapist? Do they know that you are not feeling engaged as you do it? They are supposed to help generate enough disturbance from talking through the difficult memory, how you think and feel about yourself in relation to it before the eye movements begin.

Find a new therapist. Emdr saved my life, I wouldn’t be here without it.

EMDR was by far the most helpful therapy for my daughter. Like others have mentioned, I would tell the therapist about your issues and try it with adjustments. You can do tapping, drumming, shuffling your legs or other bilateral movements. You can also take someone else into the sessino who can help with physical input. The movements are just to keep you regulated and not overwhelmed by the trauma, so that your brain can process the memory and store it somewhere else. Are you ever thinking of your traumatic memory while doing it and see where your brain takes you? Do you feel safe i the session or could it be that your protecting yourself?

I've just had a bad experience with it. I signed up because I'd heard really positive things about it and I was hopeful it would help me. The therapist discharged me after two sessions saying that my scores weren't going down and I wasn't doing it properly. I'm really annoyed about it.

Wow! No suggestion that the therapist might not be doing it properly?

I had a long call witha therapist about it. They said you do need to kind of trust the process a bit, to be prepared to go with it.

I've not done it. However I imagine your thoughts - what is it, is it working, are a symptom of your anxiety I.e. over thinking. If you can tell yourself to just park the thoughts it may help. It may also just be that you need longer. If you have held onto things for a long time.

I’m an EMDR therapist. Definitely talk to your therapist about the fact the light bar is not doing it for you. As pp have said, tapping can work better for some people. You might also need to work your way into the processing part of the therapy. Different approaches with EMDR work for different people.

Yes - the thoughts of feeling foolish doing it are constantly breaking through, though.

What work did they do with you first? Do they have you 'play' the memory? Or give you suggestions/guidance from your feedback in between rounds?

Yes, and she changed to a more traditional 'counselling' style for the next session, but I was waiting for over a year for the EMDR and I don't want to waste the opportunity...

Putting up a protective barrier is very much my default, so that's an interesting idea.

She hasn't used a light bar - she moves a pointer from side to side and up and down while I listen to music on headphones that has a strong beat on one side and then the other.
Good idea to ask her for a different EMDR strategy - thanks.

@Lifline I am struggling to give any verbal feedback to her during the session (I think this is what you mean?). One of my anxieties is about how stupid I sound and so I'm constantly trying to say the 'right' thing.

There is very little evidence base for mixed methods. The highly efficacious modality is eye movements. That's what almost all of the research has been done on.

You need to tell her that. It's relevant stuff. But it's also ok if EMDR doesn't work for you. You can try another therapy.

The point of counselling is that the counsellor is non-judgemental. For it to work, you need to be completely open and honest. I've had EMDR twice now. It worked amazingly the first time round. This time round has been a bit harder. For it to work well I think you need to be completely relaxed and focused. It does work but like everything it needs time.

I had EMDR and it was extremely helpful. I shut my eyes and she tapped my hands or knees though. I wear glasses and would have struggled with following something going side to side.

You are wasting your own time if you are telling her what you think she wants to hear. What she wants to hear is how you really feel as there's no right or wrong answer other than your genuine feeling.

I am telling her how I'm feeling about feeling ridiculous.

I'm hoping she'll have a plan for next week and I'll try to be more 'in' it.

I tried it didn't work for me - I was getting really frustrated with my therapist - called it a day after spending around £800!

She does need to make you feel comfortable but you are allowing yourself to feel ridiculous. This is to help you. Tell yourself that. You have to help yourself to be helped before anyone else can help you.