How to resolve

[Wherefromherenow24]

Not been going great at work for while. Been in a performance review. It's expired but now having issues. Experiencing mental health issues as a result.

I'm in quite a lot of debt and have no savings. If I just resign I have no references, no income, will an employer take me and how do I pay my mortgage and bills? Already on interest only. Need 1.7k minimum for bills, debts, food, travel. No family support.

Both scenarios (stay/leave) making me feel suicidal. At the point of saying I need to give it a time limit. About 5 years service.

HR advice appreciated.

Im sorry you’re feeling this way.

You could try talking to your manager and explaining how you feel. Sometimes people are in a job that doesn’t suit them - it doesn’t mean you’re a bad employee or they are a bad employer, just that it’s a bad match.

If that’s how they feel, they might be relieved if you bring it up which would pave the way for them to talk about an agreed exit for you, for example, 3 months pay but you don’t have to work it. That could give you breathing space to find something that suits you better.

Or, if your mental health difficulties would be classed as a disability (depending on how long it’s been going on and how debilitating it is), they need to offer you reasonable adjustments to enable you to fulfill the role.

Alternatively, you could go off sick whilst you look for something else, but depending on your company’s absence policies, that might get you into an absence management process which could end in dismissal - it might be worth it depending on how much time you’d need to find a new job.

I wouldn’t recommend resigning with nothing to go to. Depending on the industry you’re in, the recruitment market might be tough and it might take you a while to find something else. However, there are employers out there who would be sympathetic to your situation and take you on if you’re a great match, but not all would.

OK thank you that helps. I think what I will do is keep going with the reasonable adjustments and see if things get better. If they don't then try and negotiate an agreed process where I can leave. In the meantime save up money in case they say no to any additional pay. They'd probably refuse on the basis they've tried the reasonable adjustments process.

All the while it goes on I am having recurring suicidal thoughts that I am having to manage which is exhausting.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wishing you the very best
MNHQ💐