Worried for adult DS and don’t know where to start

[SadAndWorriedForDS]

My adult DS has severe anxiety and depression. He doesn’t seem to have anything that makes him feel happiness.
I have just found out that he has not been taking his medication. I don’t even know what medication. He doesn’t live with us. He was living with his girlfriend but she has left. (I don’t blame her, it is very difficult to live with his issues).
He is also awaiting some test results for a physical condition.

I have no idea where to start with supporting him. He’s in a different health area and I don’t know how they work. We’re going to go to him but he’s unlikely to want us around. He has threatened suicide.

We are just in a total panic with no idea what to do other than be there.

I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I’m asking. I just can’t talk to anyone in real life and I’m scared we’re going to let him down or make things worse.

That must be so worrying. You can Google support for his area but ideally he needs to be taking his medication so that he doesn’t feel suicidal. There is a huge difference between feeling depressed and actually feeling suicidal, hopefully meds could get him back on track. Do you think he would let you take him to the GP? A different medication may help.

There is some advice here for supporting someone suicidal.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/supporting-someone-who-feels-suicidal/how-to-help/

Info for urgent help here.
https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

Would he come stay with you for a while if you invited him? If not, definitely Google what support is available in his area and show him however with him being an adult you cannot force him to get help nor to take his medication. Go gently with suggestions and invitations as you don't want him to feel pressured.

Thank you both for replying. I’ve been to the GP with him and some things are hopefully going to be put in place and hopefully he will engage.
Im scared to leave him alone but he doesn’t want me here.
He’s scared for the future and whatever I say isn’t reassuring him. He won’t come home with me unfortunately.

I’m sorry you’re having such a horrendous time.

How old is your DS?

Has the GP made any changes to his medication?

Calm have some good info: https://www.thecalmzone.net/worried-about-friend-or-family

Would he consider talking to someone else? Andy’s Man Clubs can be great if he would consider talking to other people, they are very used to supporting men with their mental health

Has he had CBT? You can self refer on the NHS. Does he have a job? If not, not working can often make things worse as routine is really important.

I think that it's not uncommon for someone who is anxious and or depressed to bat away/counter helpful suggestions. They don't necessarily want someone to solve their problems for them, but simply want to be heard.

I appreciate that he might not want you around, but if he's feeling that low, then i think that you should be sticking around or at least visiting as often as you can. Could you take him away somewhere for a few days or just help support him to plan out his own days.

You could also contact mind for advice.

When my mood is low I find the Calm app helpful. I have a Bluetooth sleep mask and drift off listening to their sleep stories. I also download and listen to light hearted podcasts on it. 'It's a fair cop' on radio 4 is very easy to listen to and a great light hearted distraction.

Exercise also helps, as does cooking and gardening. Basically anything that involves a bit of movement combined with the feeling of having achieved something.

Thank you for all the advice. I really appreciate it all.

I’m sorry I’m taking so long to respond. I am still here with him. I think the GP mentioned the Man Clubs and DS seemed to be aware of them. I think they will point him in that type of direction. He has had CBT in the past. Unfortunately he is very introverted and isolated. He also tends to think that things don’t apply to him and it doesn’t occur to him to actually use any of the information or techniques they give him. It’s a struggle.

He has said he’d like to join a gym to give him focus. Which is a positive. He does have a job and that is part of the reason he doesn’t want to come home with me.

He wants me to go home but I am terrified of leaving him. I appreciate that that is partly my own anxiety from things in my past. I’m so worried in case I do or say the wrong thing.

Thank you so much for the support. I really appreciate it as I am not able to let it out elsewhere.