Am too scared to tell anyone how I am feeling

[Nat1H]

Have had depression on and off since being 18 (am now 35). Have DS2 with SN and we have recently been told that they think they got his diagnosis wrong. He is having loads of tests at the mo - general anaesthetics etc etc. I am having really scary thoughts - usually whilst I am in bed and it is stopping me from sleeping properly, although when I get absolutely knackered, I sleep through for a couple of nights!! We live on a main road and there is traffic going past the house - usually quite fast in the middle of the night. To me, it sounds like missiles going past. I wake up to the noise and think we are all going to die. I am terrified that a truck is going to hit our house and kill us all. Last night, a plane went over and I was so scared I couldn't hear it properly - to me, it sounded like it was going to crash into my bedroom.
I daren't tell my husband how I am feeling - he will think I have gone completely loopy. I have never felt like this before when I have been depressed.
Am I depressed or just anxious? Am so confused.

Nat1H you are not going loopy, it sounds like anxiety - go and talk to your doctor pls.

it does very much sound like anxiety, and is it surprising with what you are going through just now. Have a chat to your doctor, he may be able to prescribe something. I am on citalopram for anxiety and it really helps me. Honestly though, please dont be embarrased, it is just the worries about your LO that are finding a way out. Dont be hard on yourself, ask for some help - you deserve it.

yes i have experienced exactly this sort of irrational 'we're all going to die' anxiety, triggered by my mum's final illness and death, but related to a long-standing anxiety disorder. planes going by, sirens in the distance, thunder, doors slamming, somebody on their mobile phone looking worried - all signified to me that we were all doomed. I got psychiatric help and now i'm all better! Go go go go go to your gp.

Hi Nat,you are not going mad,it sounds like panic attacks.You have an awful lot on your plate,with 2 dcs,one with SN(I can relate to that)I think that poor sleep can also make things a lot worse.When dd was little and not sleeping,and I knew in my heart she wasn't "normal" but everyone said second children were slower to develop than your first and I was worried about her an dgetting no sleep I did literally feel like I was cracking up with the stress of it all,I would be wide awake at 3 am having palpitations and sweats you name it.Can you get to your Gp to tell him how you are feeling??Re your husband,are you able to talk to him at the moment about how you are feeling?It is a vey stressful time if your little one is undergoing tests and I found that dp and I found it hard to communicate.He was dismissive of how I was feeling as he was trying to get his head aroungd his own grief re dd,and I wasn't really supporting him much looking back.

Are you OK,nat???

Also meant to sent you a big virtual hug,if you do em.

Meant to mention that if you have only just discovered mumsnet there is a SN section if you click on the topic list and they are lovely on there if you need a good rant/cry about stuff.

Hope you manage some sleep xxx

Wrinkly xx

Depression and anxiety states often go hand in hand over a long period of time - often a prolonged sufferring of one will lead to the other or at least make you more prone to it.

You haven't gone loopy, what you are going through is very common and incredibly hard to cope with, it isn't dpression but can be treated with techiniques used for depression CBT, certain ADs etc. Do you have any support in place as result of having suffered depression previously - understanding GP, counsellor, understanding HV.

Please remember you aren't going mad and many people would actually respond to your difficult situation in a similar way.