What to do if all motivation is completely gone?

[InertSubstance]

For a while now I've been living life on a 'bare minimum' mode. I'm not miserably unhappy but I literally don't want to do anything and find it very difficult to do normal things. Part of this is that it feels like my brain doesn't work properly, e.g. I get an email or some kind of admin to deal with and I just can't make myself deal with the complexities and decisions involved (even to word a reply properly, I can't work out what to say and get anxious about it and just avoid the whole thing).

I can't finish tasks. Can't muster any creativity for things in my job, which is part of what I'm meant to do but I'm just ignoring all that. I don't keep in touch with friends, miss any non-essential events, leave things to the last minute.

I have a qualification that I'm meant to be working on and I haven't booked my exam, have missed the deadline and although I could contact the board and pay an extra fee and still book it, I haven't done that. I'm going on holiday in the summer and haven't renewed my passport.

It's pretty dire and yet somehow I'm not doing anything about it because the bit of me that used to fire the starting pistol and enable me to overcome the decision paralysis and aversion to these things has just gone missing and I can't rediscover it.

I have always had quite severe symptoms of ADHD (minus the hyperactivity) but never diagnosed and didn't understand it previously, the way I coped was by being good in a crisis and intelligent enough to get by academically, and basically being fuelled by intense anxiety and guilt. This doesn't seem to be doing the trick anymore and I feel like my brain has deteriorated, like the abilities are there but I can't access them if that makes sense?

Basically, help! I'm wasting my life and at some point it's all just going to fall apart. I need to be functional. No idea how to hack my own dysfunction in order to keep afloat anymore. Basic instructions would be helpful.

Thanks for reading.

Soem parts of your post really stood out to me as similar to my experience - the paralysis and aversion, the good enough in a crisis, academics, anxiety and guilt.

I got diagnosed and haven't gone the medication route.

After 5 years of therapy I'm getting a handle on what's missing, what's undeveloped, how that happened, underlying dynamics of relationships and all that. I feel much more myself now.

Along the way, the thing that has really helped me practically is YouTube tracks for ADHD people - background binaural beats usually. I set it going super softly and crack on. It works better than medication for me and without any unpleasant side effects.

So: long-term solution + daily hack

Thanks so much for replying. I will check out binaural beats on YouTube.

Can I ask what kind of stuff came up in therapy for you? I definitely feel there are things missing/undeveloped in me and I do recognise a lot of my bad patterns (like avoiding/procrastinating) but I can't for the life of me seem to make changes.

Another pattern I know I fall into is that I have a level of demand I can cope with (which is not very high at all) and life feels more manageable for a bit, but then inevitably one or two extra things crop up, something I find worrying or that's outside my normal routine, and those things feel impossible. Then it's like they create a block, because they don't get 'cleared away' and a whole load of other stuff I'd normally be fine with gets caught in the general sense of paralysis.

What I'm wondering about though is why I have this strange sense of non-urgency when objectively a lot of things are going wrong at the moment.

You can ask! You'll also have to answer that for yourself.

Thanks. I just meant in terms of whether you have some insight into what might be causing my issues if it's something you've explored.

I know it's a go to for all MH stuff, but what age are you?

This happened to me with peri-menopause. I've been on HRT for 2 months and whilst I can't say it's fixed, I'm sure a lot of it is you get to an age when you realise none of this stuff matters as much as you thought it did, but I am starting to regain some focus.

Your paragraph about ADHD and getting by by being good in a crisis/when up against a deadline has a lot of resonance for me (although afaik I don't have ADHD) and again I lost all that as I hit my 50s.

I'm only in my thirties 🙈. I dread to think how I'll cope when I reach menopause! I am definitely affected by my cycle and feeling very low at the start of my period but I don't think it's that.

Part of me thinks it's a mixture of really complicated issues plus just being fed up with trying, failing and constantly feeling tired from the effort of doing that. But I know logically I need strategy of some kind to move forwards but even gathering my thoughts and enough determination to try is really difficult now.

But also genuinely my brain is so foggy these days and it never used to be. I'm wondering if it's to do with use of screens and internet all the time.

Do you take b12 supplements?

Often brain fog, poor memory and lack of concentration can be caused by low b12.

I'd recommend daily b12, vit C and Vit D ( the latter because summer doesn't appear to be arriving anytime soon and good for your mood)

Of course, and nothing untoward meant by me either. You need insights into you not me.

The small and concrete steps are just as important - B12, C, D as pp said.

The binaural beats tracks can help when you are undertaking a task and seeing it through to completion (a good feeling in itself)

Yes, we know screen use has a massive impact. Could you start listening to thing on Audible instead? Find something to do with your hands - planting, ;painting, crafting?

I could have written this word for word.

Basic instructions:

Work in 10m-25m bursts
Buy a children's timer from Amazon
Try the website Focus Mate for accountability
Vary the task
Try mind mapping (pen and paper) when you can't think in a straight line
Cafe sounds are good for focus
Try a sit stand desk
If the task is dull use upbeat music and vice versa.
Noise cancelling headphones
Consider a walking treadmill
Every day write a what has gone well list
Set up some kind of system to track your progress
Look ahead and what is coming up and opportunities
Plan 1 week ahead
Focus on personal self care
Try grounding yoga
Get some positive quotes and stick them up
Avoid negativity online
Wierd one - just sit at a clear desk and do nothing, eventually inspiration will hit you
Get enough sleep, eat more protein and lift weights (very good for dopamine)
Make a public commitment to your goal
Do Try and tackle difficult things - energy might be better after 2pm for this
Try working somewhere different or refreshing your work space
Review what has gone well and could go better

For extra support- take regular creative breaks, I do colouring pencils and Weights
Extra time for planning
White noise
Weighted blanket
Herbal teas, magnesium
Just 3-5 tasks a day only and write down 1 thing you are doing in front of you on a card
Have a clear desk
Try and follow a daily routine
Snacks
Fun things like a fitball, put on a song and dance, have a walk
Challenge your beliefs that the problem is you, its not, it's either the environment or the task
Make sure you are clear on expectations
Maybe stick to more familiar social environments or allow extra planning for social events
Declutter so feel more organised
Try and do what you can and be kind to yourself.

That's my learning about ADHD.

What I'm wondering about though is why I have this strange sense of non-urgency when objectively a lot of things are going wrong at the moment.

Sounds like burnout. Very common with ADHD.

I would get yourself on a waiting list and in the meantime, ask your GP for blood tests (apparently ADHD is commonly exacerbated by iron deficiency, and I think a lot of people in the UK are currently struggling with Vitamin D deficiency).

What I kind of did (as a step by step list!) to "hack" my deficiency is

1. Any massive changes that need to happen e.g. quit a job, end a relationship, move area? Be honest with yourself and even if you don't do it, admit to yourself it needs to become a priority.
2. Make ADHD a kind of hyperfocus - there are so many podcasts, youtube lectures, webinars on the ADDitude website, books, even some documentaries (though most of these are bloody awful and just go on about how terrible it is that medication exists ) - just listening to all this content seemed to help me understand myself a lot better.
3. Radical acceptance. Which sounds hippyish and stupid, but you've got to really and truly believe that you're doing the best you can and the words "just try harder/just do better" need to get out of your vocabulary, because truly, they do not help. Practically, this means that you stop shaming yourself for everything that isn't going perfectly and you say OK, that's how it is right now. It means that you use "weird" solutions if they work for you and don't worry about what other people might think. This already lifts so much weight.
4. Once that weight is gone, pick one or maybe two problems to solve and hyperfocus on that, while being extra-accepting of whatever is not being worked on right now and just ditching any/all guilt about doing it less than perfectly. For example, at one point my focus to work on was making my house more functional and keeping it cleaner, and I specifically did not focus on food, so I bought some giant bags of chicken nuggets and oven chips and I don't worry about what we eat, as long as we are all fed, that's fine.

That is basically it - I have this model of ADHD about being a load of multi-layered problems which all impact on each other so my theory is if I can work on one of them at a time it will make everything else easier, and so far that absolutely seems to be true.

For all the day to day "kind of urgent things that need to be done but nobody is shouting in my ear about them so I'll procrastinate them until it's too late and then be upset" tasks, I keep these all on a master list - I've migrated this at times from a notebook, to google docs, to various apps. As long as it syncs between my phone and computer, it works for me.

Looking for patterns and seeing if I have any times of the day where I am more able to motivate myself/be productive has also been very useful, because I find that if I don't have any time pressure/structure at all, then I don't do anything ever. Whereas knowing OK, I have about 2 good hours a day and they happen in the morning between 10-12, I can actually schedule in things to do on different days and this means I'm slightly more likely to do them.

^This. I spent a lot of my 30s in a fog as I was vaguely hoping I would have children. It hindered me from any major life decisions. I didn't and I am now 44 and putting my happiness first. I may foster in future, but first I need a life I love. I need to move home 100%, it's quite overwhelming but I signed up to a personal finance course which has been so helpful for understanding where I am at with pensions, mortgages etc. and there is much more interest I can make by moving my pension which makes moving more doable.

I recommend Smart But Scattered Guide To Success, How to ADHD, Clutter Bug, Small Talk, Leanne Maskell A-Z.

Acceptance is so key. Whenever I feel absolutely dreadful for days I am getting better at getting through it.

Solutions absolutely have to be bespoke OP, as your profile will be different etc. The Smart But Scattered Book has an Executive Function quiz that was so helpful.

It is like a whole eco system of issues. ❤️

I'm currently using a clip notebook, this is great for me as the pages can be moved around.

I was just coming to say 'the smart but scattered guide to success' was very helpful for me.
I'm 52 and have just about managed to get my shit together enough to function reasonably.

How long did it take? I was dx before but ignored it.

Been working on it for 7 months now. It requires a review and overhaul of everything.

Well I only feel like I've got on top of everything in the last 5-10 years. Reading about bullet journals on here was my first taste of trying to organise myself, plus later the penny dropping when I read ADD threads and realised they described me (and my mum) exactly. I am still a work in progress, but life runs because (1) I decluttered and everything has it's place (2) I keep an A3 sheet of paper with the month ahead on it & religiously write every deadline, birthday etc on it (and more importantly, steps that need to be taken before the deadlines eg, the weekend before the birthday I'll add a note to buy a card etc so it's not blind panic on the day). I need to 'see' events on paper - if it's on my phone I can't visualise the timescale (3) then at the start of every week I write all 'to dos' on a checklist on my phone, refer to it constantly and tick em off for a sense of achievement.
I do completely lose it every now and again though.... But at least I know what to do to get back in control when I feel up to it.

That's awesome. Those are all things my ADHD Coach recommended I do.

Interesting, I'm reverting back to paper calendars. I did put everything in Google calendar, but in reality it just means I'm glued to my bloody phone.

I decluttered too amazing the difference it makes, feeling like I can physically move through my space and I put things away.

My top tip is that if its complicated clutter (like I have a bunch of items that I get out regularly at my desk for work) just have one basket that they live in. Don't be trying to put all the respective small things away all the time.