Insomnia TRIGGER WARNING S/A

[Chilledonsunday]

Any doctors, physiatrists, anyone overcome similar?

I'm 42 female, I've had insomnia from around the age of 7.
When I try to recall when it started I was around 7 years old. My mum started an affair with a man on our street, he'd come around while his wife was at work and have loud sex with my mum. I was good friends and shared a class with his daughter, the anxiety of keeping this secret and the fear of them being found out was insane. I feel like the holding my breath anxiety of something terrible is about to happen has never left me.
I was also dealing with neglect and no contact sexual abuse at home.
I was also raped as a teenager, it was reported at the time and for various reasons the person responsible has been charged and a trial date is set for later this year. So more trauma that I thought was in the past is now very much in my present.
My life today couldn't be further from what I was born into.
I have a comfortable life with a loving husband and adult dc.
I have tried counselling and EMDR therapy and CBT. It's done nothing to help with insomnia. The EMDR seemed to focus on retraining my brain that the trauma is no longer happening and wasn't my fault. The CBT was more on how to calm down and realise the danger has passed.
I just don't feel that way though.. even as a child I knew it wasn't my fault, I just had no way of escaping it.
When I lay in bed at night and try to sleep I get this panicked feeling, like slowly climbing a roller coaster.. waiting for something terrible to happen.
Over the years I've been on Zopiclone, Zopidem, Mirtazapine and Nytol. I currently take 50mg of Phenerghan., this is now getting less effective.
It's so frustrating, I've just come home from a lovely fortnight in Spain. I must have averaged 3 hours a night. Has anyone else overcome similar.. It sounds so simple, your tired go to sleep, yet as things stand I can't ever see that becoming part of my life.

I've worked successfully with several trauma cases. EMDR is on the right track but doesn't (in my view) reach the part of the subconscious mind that's still focussed on the event(s). That part needs to be involved in a direct 'conversation' to let it know that it can finally stand down, because the effect it is having on you while it tries to figure out a satisfactory conclusion - which will never be possible - is detrimental to your happiness.

I think it's covered in my AMA but do feel free to DM me if you have any questions.

Interesting , Thanks for responding and that makes a lot of sense. How do I find your AMA, could you post a link please.

Here you go - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/4559328-im-a-hypnotist-remedial-not-stage-ama?page=1

This is a bit outing but never mind, Due to injury I have hardly any muscle in one eye. The Therapist I had my sessions with said that because of this the rapid eye movement wouldn't work, I had to tap myself instead, would that make a difference? And the fact that I'm a currently dealing with this trauma in my present (upcoming trial against rapist) would that matter, am I better off waiting until after the trial?

I can’t comment on the EMDR, it’s not something I’m familiar with. My approach (speaking very generally) would be to ask your subconscious to switch from the constant rumination on the past to supporting you in the present, where you need it most. Your mind wants you to be safe and happy but sometimes needs help to know how best to achieve that.

She I see, I'm going to have a read through your AMA. Thanks for your response.