Dear All, after some advice and words of hope. Met my husband in 2000 and after six weeks fell pregnant. I was 20, he was 19. We ended up with twins. He was violent and volitile and I had severe post natal depression. I left when the kids were 5 months old. I got better mentally. Re entered the relationship when my children were 1.5 and ended up having another child a year later. Things were always volitile and controlling. Left again when the children were 3 and 5 yrs old. Was studying at uni away from family. Tried to stick it out but injured my back and that never got better. I have degenerative disc disease. However I could manage the pain. I moved nearer family. Met someone else who let me down after three years and my health deteriorated. My mental health followed.
the children dad who had been difficult and controlling financially and emotionally stepped up. Helped out. Appeared to have grown up and wanted a relationship and be a family again.
after nearly five years apart we got back together. We had two more children.
still the same aggressions and control resurfacing.
I left again in 2020 after lockdown. I’ve been struggling ever since.
I tried to manage however due to the past issues and having to go family court to sort access this led to him not being allowed to have them. This meant I was left full time single parenting however I’m poorly most of the time and have no break.
the intention was to sort a schedule of contact not cut him out completely.
however this led to us collaborating to get the access sorted and him filling my head of that he’s had counselling and changed etc etc however it was a way to get me to agree to stuff and he’s now left saying I’m the abusive one and that s why it never worked
so now I’m in 2024
after 24 years of turmoil I have no idea what love actually is.
im heading for a divorce and im unwell.
feel I have zero to offer anyone and will be on my own now. Which makes me feel so low.
please don’t make comments that are unkind or unhelpful. If you haven’t been through DV/SA and haven’t anything positive to add please move along- it’s a lot more complicated that “why did you stay? Go back ? Or just leave”
I really need some support hope and wisdom from maybe some whose been where I am but have now pulled it together :)