How do I stop doing this?

[Angel0602]

Every time I start a course, I never end up finishing it even though I have the best intention when I start. It's not like I don't want to finish it because I do but somewhere along the line I lose focus, and once that's gone it's almost painful to continue it. I've done child care, hospitality and catering, business admin, and health and social care ( I've even took out a student loan to do a law degree and signed up to the open uni). I didn't complete any of these. I'm on the 3rd time doing an accountancy course ( the same level, paid for as well). I'm about a month and a half in this time and no matter how much I keep telling myself to get back onto it I don't. I really want to actually complete it, but once my mind is switched off from it, it feels very hard to turn it back on. I am diagnosed with ADHD amongst other things but know I'm perfectly capable and actually a good learner, who's very invested at the start, but as time goes on interest dwindles and I end up giving up again. I don't struggle with the work so that's not the issue. How do I stop myself getting that mental.block every time? I just really want to better myself whilst my baby is still young, so.later in life I cam provide a stable life for him.

Sounds like self sabotage, your mind has its own comfort zone and it’s not going to let you go into the scary unknown territory of being an empowered adult. ADHD medication will help over the short term but some decent counseling would be the way.

I just started elvanse on 30mg last month, they worked for all ot about a week and then feels like I'm just back to normal, psychiatrist has said to go up 50 on the next prescription. What sort of counselling do you think I would benefit from? It drives me mad and I get embarrassed because I tell all my family doing it as well.

Try to pinpoint the thought pattern that happens when you decide to give up - is there a pattern? Is it that you simply lose focus, is there doubt that you're not good enough, or is it that you're doing these courses because you feel you 'should'?

I get into a really good head space and start trying to sort my life out, think about the future, get routines in place in day to day, start keeping up with housework, drinking more water/ eating better/ get on top of my finances and getting out more but it all always falls through including the courses. Everything will be great for a while but then it's almost like 1 by 1 things drop down again. I feel I just lose interest in it all again, and once one thing crumbles the others won't be far behind. I almost get "tired" from trying to do everything great all at once, but at the same time it's all or nothing. ( very excited at the beginning, gonna do it all, will do everything to the highest perfection I can) but then I can't maintain it.

I also find it hard unless I'm in one of these gonna get on top of everything states to keep up with everything. I.e if my finances are good ans I'm getting out more, the house is more than likely chaotic, if the house work is on top of and I'm doing well with eating well, soemthing else will be lacking. It feels like unless I'm going through one of these phases of do everything I'm always sacrificing something.

Hmmm. Have you ever met a happy perfectionist? Rarer than a pink polka dot unicorn!

This is because the pressure a perfectionist put on themselves to be perfect or do everything perfectly is an impossible task. Why? Because nothing anyone does will ever be truly perfect, there will always be improvements to make. Paradoxically, this is a good thing and makes sure there are always personal goals and targets to keep life interesting. Imagine if every aspect of your life was exactly as you wanted them - how boring would that be? No goals, nothing to improve or look forward to or strive for.

If you set the task of attaining perfection, you will doom yourselves to a life of disappointment and feelings of inadequacy and that 'crumbling' feeling. If however you set the goal of simply being happy and fulfilled - but not overwhelmed - and realising that you will make mistakes along the way and that's how you learn you are far more likely to get there.

I only got through the first few sentences and already guessed you have ADHD! I don't have any answers because I'm EXACTLY the same. Courses, jobs, hobbies, people. I'm either completely obsessed or have absolutely no interest! 🙈 I can't find any inbetween and at 49 I still don't know what I want to be when grow up!! 🤣

The worst part is I know this, but it doesn't change the all or nothing in my mind. I've tried so many different things to change it over the years. Thankyou for replying.

Sometimes it's funny and I can laugh it off but others how frustrating does it get 🤣 I say this as I'm sat in the middle of the tornado I've just created trying to declutter and move around my living room instead of doing the course work I wrote this post about. It's good to know you relate though although not to promising we still haven't found the answers. 😭 I've never been able to think about a career like I've seen other people do. I've had Jobs (plenty of them) but none that gave me I want to do this for the rest of my life so your comment has definitely made me feel better about that.

@Angel0602 I think I've learned to just go with the flow and not be too hard on myself! I currently have a half decorated hall/stairs/landing, a half decorated bathroom and half way through sorting my kitchen cupboards out! I'm sat scrolling through Mumsnet when the washing machine finished 20 mins ago and earlier I found a whole load of dry washing in the tumble dryer that I put in on Sunday 🤣🤣🤣

@Angel0602 oh and I have so many alarms set on my phone! They include; take tablets x 2, drink water x 6, pick my daughter up from work, cancel free trial x 4 😭🤣🤣

I hope I get to that point as well, which room will be the one you finish first I wonder 🤣, the washing is the worst. I have got better with it since having a baby, but sometimes I just forget its there. Try to stick to one wash a day now (wash, dry, put away) works for the most part but when it gets to much a trip to the laundrette it is. 🤷🏼‍♀️ the alarms, alarms/ reminders for everything, problem is if the alarm goes off whilst I'm already doing something, I'll say ill do that in a min and then oops i forgot again. 🤦‍♀️🤣 do you lose stuff alot as well, everyone around me is always amazed how I can stay in the same room for an hour and lose just about all belongings 🤣 it's nice to speak to someon3 with similar experiences, I've seen alot say stuff about " everything is just put down to adhd" but unless they have it, they won't understand it.

@Angel0602 oh I do that with the alarm or really annoy my kids by snoozing it for over an hour sometimes because I know if I turn it off then it's forgotten! 🤣 Do I lose things? Omg yes! Car keys is a more than once a day thing even though I bought a nice little key holder for the hallway! I look for my phone whilst I'm talking on it, I look for my glasses while they're on my head... I don't know how I managed to raise 4 children and keep them all alive! 🙈🙈 Work wise it's finding something that isn't monotonous isn't it? DD3 (21) also has ADHD and she's now working as a prison officer, it's fast paced, something different everyday and she's been working in the prison service for nearly 3 years and still absolutely LOVES it ❤️ DD4 (12) is autistic so her need for routine and my inability to form a routine are the reason the sign in my hallway says "Welcome to the Shitshow!" 🤣🤣