Friendships in 30s

[Tiddlesem]

This is a genuine question as I trying to figure out if there is something wrong me. I am 32 and have 2 DDs. Prior to having my children I distanced myself from my long term friendship group. I didnt like the gossiping about each other and it felt really toxic. I couldn't tolerate being around someone knowing that another person in the group had been talking negatively about them. It came to a point where I felt they no longer enjoyed my company because i would point these things out so I distanced myself out of the group dynamics.
Since then I have had no desires to make friendships so this is approx 6 plus years. I have acquaintances but no friendships. At all. Is this really strange? Is there something wrong with me?

I look at people out in groups and I just think how...how do people do that. I can't function in groups. It literally confuses me but I think I am also envious of it. I wish I could be like those people carefree and not anxious or overwhelmed. But I am and nothing over the years has changed this. Not therapy not exposure not medication. It's just me. I just feel different and not in a good way.

Sorry for the rant just feeling a bit down. Feels like I don't know who I am anymore.

I don't think it's terribly uncommon, priorities naturally change when people start families. Getting older can also make you less tolerant of drama and shit stirrers.

I've never been someone who had a big group of female friends, even as a teenager, so I've often wondered what it would be like. At the same time, if I wanted it enough, I think I would have made more of an effort to try to make those sorts of friendships if that makes sense. My longest and closest friendships have been with other women who prefer to meet up one on one, so I think there's an element of needing to find other like-minded women, which isn't always easy.

I've similarly had a few years of not really feeling that desire to make friendships and have in some ways been content with my own company. However, I'm starting to think not having any friends probably isn't the best plan for decent mental health in the long term. I don't have the answer to getting back out there and meeting people as I keep putting it off, but just wanted to say you're not alone in feeling this way.

Hmm it's tricky OP- I would say that there's a certain level of gossip that's normal and harmless in friendship groups. Perhaps your ex- friends had exceeded that level and were truly toxic. But if you are someone who is very black and white about right and wrong and can't tolerate any gossip - that makes you a rare and wonderful person but it might set you up for trouble with friendships. What have you tried since leaving that group?

Half of them are faking it/unhappy in their friendship group.

I think in your 30s, or once you have kids, your priorities change and a lot of people just CBA with friendships. For example to some people friends just = more admin, more people needing you on top of your spouse/children/wider family/colleagues. More notifications. A distraction from your kids/job etc.

I’d love some more friends but even when you meet people you like, it’s hard to get to an actual friendship because everyone is run ragged! Such a busy stage of life.