I've had therapy for anger management and it's really helped. I'm an unrecognisable person from who I used to be. I've never been violent, but I have imagined myself being very very violent and it was these vivid thoughts which led me to get help. However I'm sincerely struggling to stick to the program as a parent. My children push and push and push and I am worried I'm running about of ability to dig any deeper than I currently am.
For example my 4 year old work this morning in a severely bad mood. He's been roaring at everything, having severe tantrums, biting, kicking etc. I'm on day 6 alone at home, it's half term, the other two have been climbing the walls with the weather being bad. We're out of budget to go anywhere else this week and in the mood I'm in I don't want to drive anywhere in case I lost control. We're all at the limit.
I've breathed. I've taken myself to a quite space. I've told them I'm reaching my limit and they need to give dad a minute to calm down. I've put the TV on and sat in the car just to try and calm the buzzing in my brain. They have genuinely come to the car to find me. I've only been in here 3 minutes. I can feel myself reaching breaking point and they seem to have absolutely no cares in the world about my requests for a moments peace.
How do you dig deep when you can't even breathe? I have spent so long building resilience and techniques but without the space to apply them I'm honestly scared I'm going to completely explode at some stage today.