Obsessing about thoughts of dying

[AnxiousEveryday]

I've had anxiety and health anxiety for many years. I go through phases of being very well and then other longer phases of being very unwell. Unable to function properly. I take meds and have therapy to try and treat this. Nothing seems to be working. Lately I've been obsessing even more about dying, convinced myself I've got a heart problem, I'll just suddenly die, I'll get sick and die, I'm scared to do anything. I'm scared to go out, I'm terrified of driving anywhere in case I have an accident and die. I'm scared to b one at home with my DS in case something bad happens. My DH is due to go away for five days next week and I am terrified of being alone with DS for all that time in case something happens and DH won't be here. I feel like I'm going mad. I'm currently waiting for an app next month for step 4 intervention from CMHT. But my negatuv mindset is legit convinced I won't even make.it until then. How can I stop this constant obsessing and worrying about it. I'm in a sweaty state of panic all day every day, I constantly feel stressed, Im agitated and taking it out on everyone else. I'm not a good person to be around because I just can't mentally cope with these thoughts. I've tried lots of coping strategies and nothing works. What can I do now. I'm at a loss. I have no one to confide in. I'm also scared of looking absolutely nuts. I can't bring myself to change my meds because it took me long enough to get th courage to take these ones. (I have massive phobia of medications, even antibiotics, pain killers etc. scared of allergic reactions etc. It's affecting every part of my life. How can I stop this. Please help me.

Hello @AnxiousEveryday , I'm so sorry you are having such a terrible time.
My DH had health anxiety very badly and so I have seen how all consuming and terrifying it can be. Is there a family member or close friend who could perhaps come to stay when your DH is away? Could your DH arrange to call you at regular intervals so you don't feel so alone?

Something that helped my DH was in every situation thinking, 'what is the worst that could happen' and then writing it down - alongside this he wrote a solution/suggestion. E.g. I might collapse in the street SO I will put Churchview's telephone number on the front of my wallet and phone so that someone will immediately call her. It kind of stopped him going over and over the worry and freed his mind.

You are not alone with this. DH found group therapy really useful mainly because he could see other people of all kinds had the same problem too. He felt less alone. It also gave him more faith in medication as he could see how it was helping his friends in the group.
He kept moving, kept busy, made himself do his hobbies even when he didn't feel like and he stopped drinking alcohol - these things kept him on a more even keel.

This might be useless and I'm so sorry I have nothing very helpful to say but couldn't just read and not reply. My DH had medication and therapy and has made a steady and lasting recovery so this is possible and I hope your treatment gets helps you get there. I am sure someone else will be along soon who has much more useful stuff to say.

Thank you so much for your reply.
I've tried the what's the worst that could happen and usually it's (I'll drop dead and my son will be motherless) which induced panic, I really struggle to come up with suggestions or solutions that done make me feel worse. I KNOW that I cannot control my future and that it will happen one day but my brain just can't accept it and I find myself doing everything I can to avoid the possibility of happening now/soon. I don't actually hav any friends. I have no family close by either and I think this doesn't help me.

Is you DH supportive and understanding?
Could I suggest you call your GP in the morning and see if you can speak to someone urgently? Our GP was so helpful when my husband was ill. Very kind and supportive. She came up with lots of ideas and just talking to her helped him.

Can you remember when this started and why? Finding the root cause is the best way of dealing with it. You CAN beat this.

I don't remember a specific time. But I've been like this since my late teens. I'm now 32.

He didn't particularly. He gets very irritated with me. I don't blame.him, I suppose it must be exhausting living with someone who is constantly sick, or constantly has something wrong with them, always whinging and worrying and reassurance seeking. He's said to me several times that it exhausts him and living with me.is draining so now I don't push it and just don't mention it to save arguments.

What happened in your late teens?

I lost my younger brother quite suddenly but I remember being very anxious and having intrusive thoughts before that so I've never assumed that to be a trigger for me.

Didn't want to read and run sending love op

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Although there may have been issues before then - which is often learned behaviour from parents/grandparents - your brother's death would have been a major shock to your subconscious mind and it's been trying to deal with it ever since.

When there's a trauma (and trauma can mean different things to different people) the mind sets up a mental 'program' to figure out what happened for the express purpose of keeping us safe and preventing us going through the same thing again. So, for you, it's hyper-focused on health and - more specifically - the chance of you dying unexpectedly.

It IS possible to change this thought pattern, to tell the subconscious to 'stand down' and to stop doing this thing which it believes is protecting you but is actually causing you so much distress.

OP health anxiety here, it's awful, mine started big time during covid I was hospitalised and then my dad passed away in the same year. I was always a bit nervous about health prior to that but I know those are my triggers to full blown daily thoughts and restricting my life.

I've tried therapy, etc

The only thing that's helped me dial down from full panic to mild thoughts is a book on audible called "the essential guide to heath anxiety" by Denis simsek"

I have never in my life listened to a book, never used audible and thought what's the worst that can happen.

The book guides you through stages, thinking, exercises. I've listen to it nonstop, I go back to chapters if I'm feeling wobbly, listened to it on a recent flight and it helped.

If I can't sleep I put it on.

It's like his voice the messages and the process really helped me understand more, and the "why"

Maybe give it a go?

How though. I've had years of therapy and I find that I always end up back where I started. I do feel like it'd engrained into me, these thoughts and the panic. I can't remember a time when I didn't worry or have these thoughts.

Yes thank you. That's very helpful I'll have a look. Ove read some other books. Namely, hypochondria for dummies lol and another one I forget the name and it really goes into detail of the why and how and how it's connected to our bodies etc and at the time of reading I found it helpful but it's like after a while all reason and logic about what I've learned goes out the window and I only have the very black and white negative thinking and thoughts.

I think for me it was the voice the format and listening that was new, and the ability to listen over and over.

I've fallen asleep to that book more than the calm app sleep stories!

Sending big hugs, the feelings are awful 😢 and exhausting.

I hope this comes across as supportive.

I used to have a fear of getting cancer. We grew up with the whole 1 in whatever will get it AND treatment was not as good. Underlyingly felt it was only a matter of time.

Do you know what did happen? I didn't get cancer but I did get a rare 7 in a million progressive condition. Suddenly one day I was in hospital and my life changed forever.

The reason I tell you this OP is to tell exactly what happens in that moment.

You go into survival mode. Your brain pulls on literally everything it has and it gets you coping. There's amazing people that step in to help and give you a treatment plan and a pathway. All the shit that seemed so important suddenly isn't and all that matters is relationships and health. You realise you are super amazingly strong and that as long as you can breathe there is reason to be positive and keep going. And one day you realise the worst did happen and you survived.

A reason it is causing you such anxiety is your body is telling you that IF the worst did happen, have you got enough resources to cope? By that I mean, are you as fit and well as you can be? Is your diet good? Do you sleep enough etc. As long as you take care of those things, you will have the best possible outcome, whatever does come in life.

Hi lovely. This reply is probably the main cause of your anxiety ! Having a sibling dying very suddenly is a major life event!😢
Even my children have been affected by the sudden death of their Grandma 10 years ago. My middle child is still obsessed that he will suddenly die .
Definitely ask for counselling Xx

@AnxiousEveryday Is it OK to PM you?

Yes that's fine