Struggling

[summerhazedriftingby]

Hi, struggling with quite a lot atm.

Deep deep loneliness. It comes and goes. The worst part is when it takes me back to a similar malaise I had when I was a child. I've never figured out it if it's me (am I autistic?) or was it my upbringing.

Overwhelm at work. Probably perimenopause but comes and goes. I know what would help but unable to do it, ask for it, seemingly on slow path of self destruction.

I wonder if I have damaged my brain long term with not treating my depression.

Hovering on pressing stop and getting signed off for a week but not even sure what to say and I don't want to have to explain it to work.

I'm sorry you are feeling so low.
Speaking to your GP would be a good first step.
You can sign yourself off for a week with no doctors note if you just needed a week or less off you could say you have a virus etc.
You may or may not have autism, certainly worth discussing with your GP and asking for a refferal. People with autism do suffer burn out and there is a hereditary link to autism so upbringing v autism is probably entwined.
But regardless of if you have autism or not you clearly struggling right now so be kind to yourself and take time to look after yourself.