I don’t want to be a mum anymore

[YellowHue]

Feel like the worst human on earth for thinking it but I do. DS has colic, he’s 4 months old and it just keeps getting worse. I absolutely resent everyone and everything around me.

We’ve tried infacol, gripe water, comfort formulas, anti colic bottles, different temperature milks, sitting upright for 30min after feeds, distraction, white noise, car trips, craniosacral therapy, probiotics, gaviscon, omeprazole… the list goes on. Nothing works.

I keep being told if I get overwhelmed to put the baby down and walk away for 5-10 minutes but I’m having to do this constantly throughout the day. I scream at him and I’m worried I’m going to just snap one day. He’d be so much better off without me.

We have no family near by and small friend groups work full time so I have no one. Baby groups make me feel worse as he acts up and I hate being out with him.

The doctors aren’t interested in helping, I got told to just get over it and learn to cope.

I just don’t want to do it anymore. I’m seeing a counsellor but it all feels too little too late.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling, do you have a partner to help or are you on your own? Is going to stay with family for some support for a short time an option?

Oh this sounds so difficult and like you're not getting the support you need.

I wonder if baby could be lactose intolerant. Have you got a health visitor you can talk to about this or a different GP.

They really should be taking you more seriously.

I promise you that you're not alone in feeling like this- there are lots of mums who really struggle as it's absolutely all consuming. I can't give you any specific strategies that will fix this, but I can honestly say you'll survive it. Maybe it would help if you can talk to someone in your life that maybe has experienced similar and that won't judge how you're feeling. I know I felt like this when my oldest was young. It felt never ending. She's now at uni and is a great person, but I'll never forget how much I hated her early months.

Hi there, you’re right in the thick of it just now, so it’s difficult to believe but it will get much better quite quickly.
I had a colicky baby who would I could not feed on formula. Initially I tried faster flowing teets, this may be worth a try as the small newborn teets don’t really satisfy a very hungry baby and sometimes result in air being sucked in too which just makes the colic worse.
I ended up fully breastfeeding and did so for a number of years as it was the only option for me. I think that you don’t need the pressure of baby groups at this early stage but extra support in some form, whether it is family or friends or paid support would allow you a break.
I would also go back to the doctor and check that baby does not have a tongue tie as I have heard that this can affect feeding but once fixed can be quite a dramatic change.
mall the best, stay strong, you’re doing great 💕

He could be lactose intolerant or a coeliac.

Have you bought some really good, noise cancelling headphones for yourself? It might just give you a bit of relief.