meh

[shit]

really struggling today.
would v much like to be dead, asap.
no good at being alive any way.
my porr dc are getting shouted at coz i just feel like a broken piece of glass and i cant stand their needs and demands.
i wont do anything serious. i wish i had the fucking backbone to, but i dont. i just... well i just . im going crazy hating myself and wushing i were dead and being alone and
ima shit.

poor you. you need urgent help. do you have a partner, close friend you can contact?
just getting out of the house for some air can help, honest.

p out for day with ss.
been out to gdn. didnt help.
need to go out and get money for someone, cant bring self to load 3 dc in car and do it.
dont want anyone to speak to me like this anyway. im ashamed to be so fucking shit and low.

dc ok. watching telly and eating pizza. they just need to stay out of my way coz i have no patience. am angry at being disturbed. poor fuckers.

oh poor you. why are you angry at being disturbed? how old are your dcs?

don't worry things will get better.

there are so many great things out there, really exciting things. think about the things that make you happy. a night out with friends? chocolate? glass of wine? walk in the countryside? time to yourself? long bath? having fun with the dcs? you have to pull yourself together - only YOU can make yourself happy, don't waste time being miserable!

loads of people have felt like this by the way, you're not alone. xxx

hope you feel better soon. xxx

shit - you wouldnt mind changing your name, i can't be calling you shit!! Besides you are NOT shit!!! I don't know your story, we all have one of those . Two days ago i felt the same as you, it comes and goes.

Are you getting any help? Please please don't feel ashamed - would you be ashamed if you were diabetic or had hurt your back? You sound ill. Go to the doctors, they will help.

Honestly you are not alone, when i am down i think i am disgusting, i am quite clearly not. You say you went to the garden and it didnt help - it didnt help for me the other day, yesterday it did, when someone had upset me and i was angry . So today you need to lick your wounds. Tomorrow is another day and you may feel better. Dont suffer this alone, there are people who can help - the samaritans are always there. Someone just to listen.

How many DC do you have, what are their ages? Remember, you are NOT shit, you are those beautiful childrens MOTHER they need you and they love you, because you deserve that.

poor fuckers?? watching TV and eating pizza?? I reckon they think they are in chill out heaven Dont run yourself down so, we all have shitty days. I know your problems are not just due to a shitty day, when i have a shitty day, its best to keep out of my way (and hide the tablets im afraid because i get suicidal ) If it gets that bad, call your DP, he wont mind.

I have to go out now, please let us know how ou are later.

I felt exactly like this yesterday (and many days before that too!). I ended up sobbing for hours whilst posting on mumsnet how I just wished I could crawl into a hole and nevr come out. Sometimes I know I should take ds out but I don't have the energy to even brush my hair and teeth and I dread bumping into people. I have just been hiding away for the past 8 months and it's the worst thing I could have done. I really think if you can get out, just for a walk- maybe away from the kids it would do you the world of good. I have to say, today I don't feel quite so bad. Talking really helped me so feel free to rant away. Don't feel guilty, the dc's will be loving the pizza and tv- sounds like my dream day!

i wasnt too bad last night... went ot bed (ok, so it was late, am doing a bit of the old insomnia rubbish atm) full of a plan to make some basic changes to routine, pull myself up, get my shit together...
woke up ok... then just dropped. like a stone.
like you say, it happens.
funnily enough, i am already in that bit where you just sort of stand about dazed thinking 'wtf was that?'
i am suicidal. times like this morn are particularly bad... but im too chickenshit to do it, so theres no need for anyone to worry about that. after a really bad storm like that, i still wish i was dead, but not quite so desperately.
i am ill. i have come to accept that (sometimes). ad's not worked for me, but am hopefully starting some mindfullness cbt group thing soon. we'll see.
i am lucky. i have everything, im not worth wasting sympathy on. and tomorrow i wont even know what on earth possessed me to say these things... ahhh, cant wait for the denial to kick in, its a double sided sword, but a bit of a releif nonetheless.
i had a bath this morn, so thats something. at least im a clean pathetic mess today. sigh.

You sound exactly how I felt. i'm sorry you feel so down. I really think if the ad's arent working then you should maybe talk to your gp about changing them. Please remember that there are so many meds to try. Not everyone will find the right one straight away. Please keep talking. I feel sometimes that I don't want to live anymore (not that I'd ever kill myself but just that I wish I didn't have to wake up in the morning). It's awful but you are not as alone as you think you are.

thank you so much for posting/reading/thinking of me. i truly appreciate it.
but as to whether we are alone... arent we all? the worse i feel the less i am able to communicate. i think thats the worst part of this illness or whatever it is.

We aren't completely alone, otherwise the lovely mnetters would not have helped me yesterday. I appreciate what ou are saying though. Sometimes it is very very lonely. I get so sick of being on my own with ds that I actually get scared and nervous befor dh goes to work. I hate it. I litterally feel sick with worry about being alone. There is always someone here for you to talk to. Yesterday, I cried and cried for hours and mumsnet was the only thing that stopped me from sobbing. Please keep talking if you need to. Why do you think you are feling so shit tody? Has anything happened in paticular or is it just a crap day in general?

For what it's worth I am thinking of you and hoping you feel well soon.

I am so up and down at the moment. Today has been fine, I feel fairly stable although a little rocky when ds cries! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I'm meant to be his mummy but I'm such a figging mess.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring??? It scares me to think about it actually. I am hoping tomorrow brings you some happiness of some sort.

It's so hard to comunicate how you are feeling. I find it impossible with people in real life or face to face. I just feel like a freak. I'll keep checking this thread so feel free to post if you need to. Often a good cry or being honest about your feelings can help.

meandmy - you are precious. thank you for making me honestly feel not alone for a second. if you need a thing to know about yourself thats good, know this; youve made a significant difference to the state of mind of another human being. youve reached me when im in a place where no-one can. thanks doesnt begin to cover it. bless you.

Awww, no trouble at all. I'm glad I talked to you. I really hope you are doing OK. Today has started well for me as dh is off work so I got a bit of a lie in (granted only half an hour but it's better than nothing!) Also, ds seems in a fairly good mood but that can change so quckly! Remember not to dwell on the fact that you shouted at dc's, we all get pissed off. Today is a new day!