Am I past anymore help?

[Toddlertwos]

I'm in my mid thirties with 2 children and a partner, for at least the last 10 years or so I've had anxiety/depression and along the way had a lot of counselling/CBT and most recently hypnotherapy for anxiety, which seemed to have worked well to help the anxiety.

But I am really struggling with low mood, I don't have any energy or enthusiasm to do anything with my children when they are around (they are 1 and 3, so really do need me). At weekends I push it all on to my partner as feel I'm overwhelmed in the week.

I take 20mg fluoxetine and have had so many different counselling sessions/light therapy/CBT and nothing really seems to have helped me.

I spend my evenings/any spare time on my phone feeding my (current) obsession for shopping for kids toys and vinted, I'm ashamed of this as when my children are around I find it hard to entertain them and really struggle with feeling like I don't get time to myself anymore but seem to be obsessing over silly things like buying kids toys which they don't need.

I work a few days a week and whilst working im trying to keep the house clean and tidy as this has an effect on my moods. I've asked my partner and explained about this in the hope he can try to help but it falls on deaf ears, we argue a lot over the house being a mess as this really makes me feel bad.

I'm at a really low point and feel as though I'm always sad/easily frustrated by the children and my 3 year old really gets the Brunt of my bad moods because I just feel exhausted 24/7, I feel I'm not giving him a good version of myself, I love and care about him so much but I am struggling.

I feel like there's no help for me, I've tried counselling, different hobbies, relaxation, anti depressants, talking therapy and hypnotherapy but I just find myself always going back to feeling so unhappy and unmotivated with my life, I don't want to damage my children.

Am I a lost cause? I don't know where to go next for help/inspiration as to how to turn my life around and stop these negative thoughts ruining my life.

Please if anyone has any suggestions, maybe a good book for some self help or what helped you if you've ever felt this way. I really want to stop this cycle.

Thank you x

You've done all the right things for your mental health but have you had your physical health checked out? There are lots of things that can impact negatively on your energy levels - thyroid springs to mind (probably because I know exactly how badly that can affect you). When did you last have your bloods checked?

@Eyesopenwideawake Thank you so much for your reply and sorry it's taken so long for me to reply!

I have always wondered if it was thyroid and have previously had this tested with results being normal, however that was a good few years ago. I'm sure I've also read that the standard test at the GP does not always pick this up, is there any truth in this?

It's a very real possibility as my mum is medicated for her thyroid.

Get tested again, if necessary pay for specialist thyroid tests as, as you say, the standard tests can be inaccurate. Hypothyroidism can really make you feel dreadful (as your mum will tell you!).

Looking after small children is exhausting. Especially at that age if you tidy one room they are creating an even bigger mess in another. It’s normal to live in a mess and if your partner doesn’t like it maybe they could do something about it!
but no, you are not a lost cause. Sometimes it takes a long time to get out of a low period but it’s worth going back to your GP and explaining how you feel.