Don't like this jealousy

[bitterandtwist]

Anyone ever suffered from being horribly jealous and manage to become less so? It's a new thing and I really don't like it about me!
Basically I'm fed up with feeling like what I can provide for my kids isn't good enough / unfairly cross with people who have so much more (often not at their own getting!).

Basically my nearest and dearest all have more: in-laws have paid for my 2 nieces to go to private school. We never asked and so have never got for our kids (which is our issue - we're proud of being able to stand on our own two feet); my sister asked my dad for tens of thousands for an extension. Again - we did ours on our own. Neither my dad nor the in-laws intend to make things fair monetarily. My two bfs from primary school - one has money (house purchased by parents. Private school for kids paid for by them too. Cars also). The other is v well paid as is her dh. Mortgage paid off. Kids at private school.

These are my nearest and dearest. I don't really care that I have less (although it's a bit shit hearing about 3 weeks at Disney 'cos of private school holidays!), but I do care that I feel I'm letting my kids down, I think. Even though I know I'm doing my best/6% of pop go to private school/ I don't like it as a concept anyway!

How do I become okay with those feelings!?

I use to feel like you. I use to look at my kids grandparents and feel nothing but disappointed esp when in laws favoured their other son and grandchildren (we've fallen out and no longer speak).

So OK you can't afford Disney, neither can I. So you do what you can and that's enough kids dont care where you go. You can fun in a caravan. My younger boys love it. Mine don't go private, I know of some kids that did and hated it. Doesn't mean that they won't do well in a 'normal school'.

I've learned that being angry changes nothing, you won't change people unless they want to. It will just eat you up.

You're jealous at a surface level some may seem they have the perfect life but noone does.

You love your kids and that's all they really want.

Neither my dad nor the in-laws intend to make things fair monetarily.

If you want to cure yourself of envy, perhaps you could think about what 'fairness' means in this situation. Does it mean all grandchildren get the same? or does it mean that the providers of these windfalls are equally receptive to requests made on the basis of need?

You didn't make any requests. Perhaps this is because there was no point at which you strongly felt that you needed to make them. Not just because you wanted to 'stand on your own feet', but because you didn't really need the help.

Grandparents (and other nearest and dearest) aren't under an obligation to balance out the £££. Their desire is to help where help is needed.

I think - to me - fair means treating all GC the same if personal circumstances/situations are similar (which they are. They all chose to live beyond means and over stretch themselves). We didn't make that choice but I am independent (pigheaded!?). I don't like asking for help. But I just would not financially give something to one family without ensuring I do the same for my other child's family (unless their personal circumstances were different!).

Thank you. I just need to know how I get to a place where I am not cross! We have v similar relationships with both sets of GPs to the others. And are on good terms all round.

Just realise that you're doing your best and that should prove what a good mum you are. You're not letting them down at all

My mother was not maternal all I ever wanted was her to just be there for me so hopefully that might help. Don't be so harsh on yourself.. But we all get moments

sounds like you have family willing and happy to give away vast amounts of money and you’re unwilling to ask

When it comes to education and housing - and if my sister had asked and my dad had happily and freely paid for my children education and an extension… hell yes i’d ask

why are you cross?

you haven’t asked for support because you want to “stand on your own two feet”
You sister asked and received

who are you cross with?

your relatives for asking?
your relatives for giving?
or yourself for not asking?