I had just turned 18 years old when I met and started dating a 34 year old narcissist. Needless to say, I was vulnerable and this person took advantage of me, I hesitate to use the term grooming as there are far worse cases but I think most people would define it as grooming.
This person behaved perfectly in the beginning, classic love bombing. This later developed into isolating me from my friends and family, demanding my constant attention, whilst cheating on me with several people. Screaming in my face whenever I did anything they arbitrarily deemed “wrong”, anything from “using too much shower gel” to being polite to a waiter (“flirting”),
would shout and swear and humiliate me in public, and also give me complete silent treatment at home sometimes, for no reason. One day I got screamed at when we were sitting on the sofa watching TV after a meal, they had been completely silent for around an hour and I’d asked if anything was wrong but was told no. So after we finished eating I tried to start a casual conversation about something on the TV and got screamed at because they were “still digesting” their meal and therefore couldn’t speak, apparently. So I had to sit in silence for 20 minutes until authorised to speak.
They also screamed and swore at me in the middle of a luxury hotel on holiday abroad and threatened to lock me out of the hotel room for the night because I’d chatted politely to the hotel bartender for around 30 seconds. This type of thing was constant, then afterwards they would act like everything was totally fine and deny their behaviour if challenged.
Thankfully nothing violent apart from pushing me over onto the ground and telling me to f* off for helping them get into a taxi when they. were extremely drunk, on my birthday btw.
Told me over a year into a relationship that they didn’t want to be with me as they were in love with their ex and never loved me. Then when I tried to leave them, threatened to slit their wrists and drive off a cliff, and then pretended to take an overdose of painkillers in front of me – they simulated swallowing the pills from across the room, it looked extremely convincing to me so I panicked and said I’d stay, for them to reveal afterwards they hadn’t actually swallowed them (to this day I don’t know how they actually did it but apparently threw or spat them down the sink when I wasn’t looking).
Forgot to add earlier the fact they constantly undermined me, my appearance, my intelligence, constantly put me down and told me I wouldn’t achieve the things I wanted (which I now have).
Anyway I eventually managed to get away when they found someone else although it didn’t last long at all with that person. They still kept a toxic hold over my life for 4 years after we broke up as my life and financial situation weren’t the best so they kept reeling me back in with money etc. I’m so pleased to say I am finally free now.
Also this person genuinely believes they are a good and nice person – they’ve gone on public rants on social media about how they think everyone in the world is horrible, narcissistic (yes, they used that word!), selfish etc etc, this is usually after a short term relationship has ended, as this person does not have any genuine friends so instead hops from relationship to relationship (has had about 10-15 different girlfriends since we broke up), usually preying on vulnerable people, very young women, single mothers, etc. These relationships have been very short lived as this person becomes obsessed and intense at the very beginning and thankfully most of the women have seen sense faster than I did and walked away.
This person has lost most of their long term friends due to treating them like shit too although not as badly as they treated me. But they act perfect around family members who have absolutely no idea what they are really like. So on the last social media rant I saw, the family members were commenting telling this person how lovely, wonderful, amazing they are, how they’re the nicest person in the world and don’t deserve the way they are “treated”. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. It’s absolutely amazing how talented narcissists are at painting a certain picture of themselves to certain people. I like to think I know the signs now and I will hopefully never ever let one into my life again.