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How to cope with a family member with mental health.

2 replies

Talkhe · 17/05/2024 09:41

My brother was an alcohol, he had been binge drinking for about 4 years. He has recently stopped after a hospital visit were he was comatosed after drinking with drugs. It’s now been 4 weeks. Every night he cry’s, laughs and speaks in his sleep, in the day he mutters to himself he goes AA and has nhs talk therapy. His body shakes when he’s just sitting down. He’s always looks kind of lost. I don’t know how to help him, to be honest I’m stuck, before this he was addicted to gambling. If I try speak to him how his actions are effecting us and the family he blames it on mental health, like he’s made that an identity and now everything is that’s fault and not his. He will often say, oh I can’t do that or I did that because of mental health, saying he isn’t accountable. He is also autistic. He can’t handle any stress at all. My other brother asked him if he had drank anything the other day and he locked himself in a room and cried for hours how no one trusts him, he hadn’t drank, it was just a suspicion so my other brother asked. He is a compulsive liar though, even over the littlest things, he lied about a parcel he recieved a few days ago, he actually believes his lies too. He mid 30s lives with my mum and dad and their whole world revolves around him now and they are scared to leave him on his own. They even cancelled their holiday to watch him.

Im lost, I’m so angry at him for his, even though I know it’s not his fault. I feel like he lies about the help he’s getting or not getting. All he does is sit at home, he’s on sick, has no bills, recently got married and his wife is a nice person and this is not fair for her too. I feel annoyed he’s that privileged. If he had to pay a bill I don’t know how he would deal with that stress.
I feel like I don’t want to go around my parents because I’ll have to see him. He’s taking away time from their grandchildren. I’ve struggled with a newborn and 2 toddler as my mum was busy with him. I feel so annoyed I don’t know what to do, how to help him.

OP posts:
orchardgirl4 · 17/05/2024 09:49

That sounds so so hard. Your brother is living with a disease that affects so many people around him, most of all himself. It is very unlikely this will ever be made fair, sadly. Can help yourself at this point, by changing how your react? It sounds like there will be much resentment that will need to be gently let go of.

Whataweirdsituation · 17/05/2024 09:58

Oh OP, I could have written some of this myself - sending hugs 💐

Just a gentle reminder I wish I’d had earlier - yes your brother needs help and love, and the ideal is you’d be a saint and stay supportive forever. But your mental health counts too - don’t lose yours for the sake of his. Drawing boundaries is ok!

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