First mental health crisis of my own - would love tips and thoughts from all of you on how to emerge

[emergingfromthis]

I've had two months of being full of dread and fear, and have lost all confidence in myself. I am currently unable to work or study ... most days are spent in bed, in tears or just avoiding life by watching Netflix or reading Mumsnet (which I find deeply reassuring).

My interpretation is that I have just become overwhelmed by what has happened in the last 14 months. I would love your thoughts on what might help me emerge, and what you do that you find helpful. On days when I am able to, I am talking to friends and walking in the park but am often unable to get outside my own front door (even into the sunshine in our garden).

A lot has happened in 14 months: two suicides (my sibling who I adored, and my closest male friend), my mother dying unexpectedly (less traumatic, but still grief) and then supporting my own teenager through being at risk for a month, which was terrifying. After that, I just collapsed and haven't yet emerged - in layman's terms it feels like a mental breakdown.

I've never had to grapple with something like this for myself before. I've got sleep meds from the GP, and am aiming to eat healthily as well as getting outside when I can. Otherwise, I am just letting myself be very calm, and seem to be putting life on hold and hope that this is enough for me to be able to re-engage when I am ready.

Is there anything else you recommend?

Do you have experience of this, and feel I have an approach that might work?

ps I've name changed for this as it's very identifying when coupled with my other posts .....

I am just letting myself be very calm, and seem to be putting life on hold and hope that this is enough for me to be able to re-engage when I am ready.

That's a very sound strategy. One thing I would add is when you think, or say, "I can't do/go to X" add the crucial word "yet" to the sentence. That will inform your mind that this isn't a permanent state, it's a temporary one and that you will be able to do those things in the not-too-distant future.

So sorry to hear about this, OP. I find meditation and breathwork very helpful. My GP recommended it. I use the Headspace app brut there are other apps and lots of stuff on YouTube .

It sounds like you are doing exactly the right things though.

yet is a great tip - thank you @Eyesopenwideawake

@dizzydizzydizzy .... yes, I know u r right and think I need to find a way back to this... it feels a step too far at the moment but if I do the, lets just do it for 30 seconds or 2 minutes, that might help me start again... it feels very counterproductive for me to know these tools are there but just find them a stretch too far....so Ill try again...

Hey @emergingfromthis you are doing the right things. It's absolutely fine not to be ready yet for the meditation and breathwork.

Heart goes out to you OP. What a time you’ve had to live through. It sounds like you’re instinctively doing what you need at the moment. And a lot of good suggestions already. You will heal from this .

I think you have had more stress than anyone could cope with so it’s not surprising you have shut down for a while.

I tend to read books to process things. I recommend Depressive illness - the curse of the strong. They say grief is hard work- I lost my DSis years ago and spent lots of time reading poetry and books about death and the afterlife and talking about her and collecting pictures and associating music with her and crying. It doesn’t really get easier but the hardest bits get more spaced out.

Another possibility, although you have more than enough reason to feel like you do, is the perimenopause. Your first sentence sounds a bit like me before starting HRT and that was with less stress than you (although not none). Something to consider as these things could be happening at the same time.

I think saying a lot has happened is underselling it - you have had multiple extremely traumatic events happen in a very short space of time. I am not surprised that you are in the place you are now - I think you were incredibly strong and resilient to keep going for as long as you did.

I admire how you are following your instincts and I think being calm and letting your body have the rest and recovery it needs is an excellent idea.

I wonder if some support with processing all of the events would be helpful? I know that there are various charities who provide support services for family bereaved through suicide, for example. Talking to others who have experienced similar events might be helpful in some way. I do not have experience with bereavement, but I have found great fellowship with other people who have OCD and they have been some of the best support for me being able to manage my condition and live a fulfilling life.

It may be that some counselling or therapy of some kind would be good - if you felt like talking things through with a ‘professional’ would be useful for you.

If you don’t feel like talking would be useful, perhaps writing would be therapeutic in some way - I am great believer in journal writing. Just one or two lines here and there when I have a thought pattern I want to record, or when I feel like I need to work through something and don’t know how to say it out loud.

Have you thought about medication at all? I am aware that this may not be something you want to pursue, but I have found antidepressants to be a real help for the more physical symptoms of my mental health - the insomnia, the fatigue, the aches and pains.

I think seeing loving and supportive friends or family when you feel up to it is good too - I know my family have been pivotal in helping me recover before. Physical touch is very therapeutic for me - a hug from a friend or cuddling my brother’s dog for example.

Most of all - be kind to yourself. You are healing and that takes time.

Sorry you've had to go through that. I had a breakdown quite a few years ago and sometimes just going for a walk was the aim of the day. My advice is to keep trying to get outside. Also writing things down and speaking to a counsellor can help

Huge hugs OP. You mention sleeping tablets - are you on anything for depression and/or anxiety as well? I think regular GP reviews might be helpful. Some surgeries have a mental health nurse too who might be able to give you some support.
cruise bereavement can be very helpful, as well as suicide support charities xxx

You sound like you’re approaching this in just the right way for you. I once read a very kind book called climbing out of depression by Sue Atkinson - she herself had experienced periods of low mood- it was the best most gentle book I’ve seen.

I love the sound of that book @Elderflower2016 ... gentle is definitely what I feel the need for at the moment

Huge thanks to everyone for posting such kind and encouraging words - I feel a bit like a wounded bird, hibernating and hiding away while I recover.

I think making a walk my main objective on those days it feels possible is a good idea @butterflyvases - I'm aware that I often try to put something more practical in first, but then fail to do either (though there are still days when outside feels too frightening).

I look forward to reading and reflecting more on all your comments tomorrow... really thank you and I truly treasure your words and thoughts

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. That's a huge amount of compressed trauma. Sending you love and healing. Some things that helped me through grief (accepting that everyone is different and things work better at various stages/combinations so it's worth trying things a few times.)
Headspace meditation app - course on grief
Walking in nature which you are doing
Surrounding yourself with people who love you
Printing photos of happy times, friends and family, things you love and putting them where you will see them everyday
Audiobooks- the power of now by eckart tolle was a game changer for me, and the boy the mole, the fox and the horse by Charlie mackesie when I couldn't sleep
Nervous system regulating techniques including breathing and cold water therapy
Lots of hugs

Speak to a therapist. Physically calm your nervous system- go for a massage, visit a sauna etc. Stop taking on any extra things which are putting you under stress. Get signed off from work if you need it. Let others know your going through a difficult time and prioritise your own well being above all else.

I'm so sorry you've gone through such a traumatic period, OP. It's not at all surprising that you've collapsed now. I know others have mentioned this already so, but have you considered antidepressants? They really really helped me after a breakdown. I was prescribed citalopram. It's not a magic bullet but it took the edge off the worst of the dread and despair and allowed me to begin to implement other strategies to start to get better. Also allowing myself to rest, as you are doing - I read 'Wintering' by Katherine May and found that comforting.

When I was in my deepest depression I used to use music. Upbeat music. From the second I woke up to the time I went to bed. Any quiet moment was filled with YouTube. Propped on the cistern while I showered and got dressed, sat on the microwave while I had breakfast, through the car speakers, literally any time I was alone, either the TV or music was on and I forced myself to listen and pay attention to what was playing.

Contact with animals. Dogs and horses are especially soothing. Some riding schools will have volunteer groomers or even pay you to do some ragwort pulling or poo picking or brushing the horses.

Treat yourself to something. A new pair of shoes you really don't need. Or something for the house? A new book? Whatever.

A quota of 3 people spoken to per day. Cashier, friends, random with a cute dog, whoever. You speak to 3 people a day. No, the dog doesn't count.

such brilliant advice... will respond more fully tomorrow... DH has brought me to the seaside for 3 nights... such a good thing to do....

Yes, re cuddling dogs - this is helping.

And contact with 3 people a day @Balloonhearts interestingly was the goal I set myself a while back - and I included texts to friends.... this has lapsed in last few days, but will get back to that and build on it.... You're definitely on the same wavelength as me, as I was treating myself to things I wouldn't normally buy ... and was able to fantasise about other things that I might save up for. Again not been possible the last 10 days or so, but think I'm at a gentle turning point

@cpat122 calming my nervous system is something I want to explore more - at the moment, I use a Sensate which works on the autoonomic nervous system which I find great... but am keen to include more breathing and other things. Yes, sadly unable to work at the mo ....

@wp65 ... I have been wondering about antidepressants - I'm hesitating as I know they take 4-6 weeks to kick in and was keen to avoid side effects but am beginning to wonder if I shouldn't bite the bullet and try some....

Thank you SO much all you wonderful kind people.....