Hi,
I'm starting to get very concerned about my on/off partner who has a young son (8 years old) and no other family in the country and looking for advice on what I should do and what actions are likely to be taken.
To give a a rough summary of our relationship and then my concerns:
We have a slightly toxic relationship, she struggles with jealousy (I have a young child with a previous partner that was born during the first 6 months of our relationship), she really wanted another child herself. She often isn't faithful and often makes up lies to try make me jealous to make me feel how she does, even though I have never been unfaithful to her and constantly support her and her son in every way I can. She is also a functional alcoholic, probably drinking 100+ units a week in wine, spending 3-5 hours in the pub, 4-5 days of the week. She is very irrational with me, one moment very loving and affectionate and perhaps hours later telling me to back to my ex and never talk to me again, hours later going back. In drunken states, she has occasionally turned violent, twice involving police.
Sadly for her, her Mum recently passed away. On the night (3am) she found out, she was heavily drunk and was asking if I would take care of her son so she could join her mum and her ex who died from a drug overdose. She calmed down, sobered up and then travelled to her home country with her son to bury her mum the same day she died. She had never expressed suicidal thoughts to me before and at the time, while I was concerned I didn't believe she would do anything and it was a spur of the moment silly thought she expressed.
However now, a month after her mum passed away. She is now saying the same things again. While slightly drunk, she said she wanted to join her mum, when I asked her how she thought this would impact her son and she should think of him, she first asked me to take care of him but then said for the past week she had been thinking of taking an overdose and giving her son the same. She explained how her neighbour (flats with communal kitchen) had left some strong medication out which she had then hidden in her own flat to use to end their lives. I asked her where but she wouldn't tell me and that she would do it when I wasn't around. This was drunk talk however the fact she said she had these thoughts for a week and she is drunk everyday has me quite concerned. Hours before and the next day she wants to make plans for holidays, birthdays etc.
Her thoughts swing from positive to very negative quite often, this isn't alcohol induced but it certainly amplifies her negative sides.
I have a good relationship with her son, often taking him to/from school and other activities, as well as managing my own children half of the week when I'm not with them.
I have tried to advise her to speak to someone, contact her GP, etc but she isn't willing to. She has been on a waiting list for therapy for quite a while, before her mum died, as well as briefly attending an alcohol support group, I'm not sure who I should contact or what action they would take. After the last police involvement / domestic violence, social services became involved as her son was in the flat. My concern is that on the face of it, she is functional, the flat is clean/tidy, her son is fed, clothed, looked after, proactive with school work and does a few after school activities, etc, and things may look OK/good but I know she is both spiralling out of control with her drinking and the suicidal thoughts appear to be getting worse. She is often telling me she is scared, she loosing control and doesn't know what to do.
I'm worried if I reach out, this will get dismissed quickly if she doesn't open up herself as its my word against hers and on the face of it a functional/loving home for her child, and then I will be cut out with nobody left to keep an eye on them.
Dave