Complete mental and physical wreck at 25. Convinced I am dying.

[anonymous98]

No idea where to put this. It's both mental and physical health. Sorry if it is incoherent - I am writing this after a night of nightmares and I am at the end of my rope. I think my life is over already and I'm only in my mid-20s. I just cannot cope.

I had a nervous breakdown almost 2 years ago, which entailed constant tachycardia, being unable to go anywhere without panicking and feelings of terror. I was put on propranolol, which did very little and made me feel dreadful. Then I was diagnosed with POTS by a cardiologist, who has now put me on ivabradine and midodrine. The midodrine helps a bit with energy, but I feel like nothing is helping. I think I am dying: I have fatigue, exercise intolerance, tachycardia, dizziness and shortness of breath. Even talking or laughing makes my heart rate shoot up. I also recently had to go for a head CT (for unrelated reasons). It took 5 weeks to get the results and I had essentially diagnosed myself with a brain tumour by that point. I was a wreck - threatening suicide, crying, self-harming etc. I carry a pulse oximeter around with me 24/7 and take readings constantly- sometimes several times per hour. I used to have 99% saturation and now hover between 97-98% which worries me. I once had 94% briefly, which frightened the life out of me. My cardiologist has just done another 24-hour monitor on me and I am convinced I have heart failure.

Am seeing a therapist (via zoom) and awaiting psychiatric evaluation. Nothing is helping. Have been on various antidepressants since age 16.

I have barely been able to work in 2 years. I am now a severe agoraphobic who struggles to go anywhere. Even going for a short walk outside is very upsetting. I am convinced I will drop dead in the street.

I am often exhausted. Recently had bloods done and gather they were unremarkable. I also had blood tests in 2022 due to exhaustion that were normal.

I live with my mother, who is disabled and now has COPD. This is selfish- but I am finding her illness very distressing and feel that I cannot cope with it. She is also constantly medicated and frequently very out of it.

I just got an email saying that my estranged father has advanced cancer and potentially will die soon.

It feels like everyone around me is dying and I'm next. I am so unhappy and frightened and alone. It feels so unfair.

I'm sorry to hear about the problems. I have a Fitbit and my readings are usually 94 or 95 percent, is that not normal then? Going through menopause atm and I empathise with the fast heart rate, panic feelings etc as have been getting this sort of thing as well, but I guess with me it's hormonal.

Have you been tested for e.g. low iron as that can sometimes bring up horrible symptoms.

It may well be normal - I am obsessive and check my breathing multiple times per day, which I know is really unhealthy.

I think my iron levels are okay - I take a supplement and have had regular blood tests

I would get your thyroid tested as other than the constant tachycardia I have been in the same place as you, I had private bloods done for a full thyroid check and it looks like I have an under active thyroid which pretty much explains why I became a nervous wreck, scared of literally everything. Good luck x

Obviously not a doctor and there may well be something wrong with you physically, but a number of people very close to me have quite significant anxiety disorders which very often manifest in a very real physical way...this may well be contributing to a lot of your symptoms.

What antidepressant have you been on? Is it one that treats anxiety?

Thank you, I am on 150mg of venlafaxine and was previously on citalopram, sertraline and prozac. I get very tearful if I skip a dose but otherwise I don't feel it is terribly beneficial.

Thank you.

What could be wrong with me physically? My bloods seem okay, I had a clear head CT and so far normal ECGs, including 24-hour monitoring. I also did several FIT tests which I bought from an online pharmacy which were normal.

Hi, I have all of your symptoms listed above, I've had endless tests, ECGs, blood tests, chest x ray, ultrasound, 24 hr monitoring the list goes on. I have had severe anxiety and OCD since my teens. I can't work anymore, after I had my son the anxiety heightened and the intrusive thoughts became unbearable.. after all these tests they could find nothing wrong with me. Not one thing at all. They tell me it's anxiety and given the severity of my anxiety it is no surprise me body is acting the way it is. I always feel like I'm dying. Can't be at home alone, can't go outside alone. I struggle to do basic things, even just walking up the stairs I feel like I might just drop dead. It's horrible. I think if nothing can be found then you need to accept this is the anxiety and stress of being so anxious all the time. I have phases where I feel better and it's always when my anxiety is under control, my physical symptoms disappear.

Hi @anonymous98
how are you doing now?
think I’m suffering from something similar
i hope you’re feeling better 🤞