To not want to attend Step sons party?

[sophiesophiesophie]

I suffer badly with anxiety and OCD and have done for many years, its mostly intrusive thoughts and health anxiety as well as catastrophizing. I've had really good period where I'm well and I can function but they pretty much al days end in a relapse. I've been doing well for a few weeks now. My step son had a birthday party tomorrow, his party, hes spending the night with us tonight and then we will take him to his party on the bus, we don't have a car at the moment hence we will be getting the bus. I've gone into complete panic, having horrible thoughts that something bad will happen, what if the bus crashes, or blows up, what if when we get there there is an incident or someone attacks us in the town etc.. I've got myself so worked up just im hurriedly trying to think of excuses to not go and I'll just stay home with my boy and send stepson and his dad. I know it sounds like I'm being unreasonable but I just have this awful impending doom feeling about going there tomorrow, I'm so anxious and I can almost feel my brain going into "not very well" mode. It's hard to explain. I feel so uneasy and scared. Am I being unreasonable to just want to stay home. I don't want to ruin it for anybody but actually going and having a meltdown because I feel it's imminent. About to hav ba serious meltdown and just need some taking down. I darent tell my partner as pretty sure he's fed up with my crap and he ein the thinks I'm being reasonable at all.

Rationally it would be unreasonable not to go to the party, and by swerving it you will only reinforce your fears which will make your world smaller. However panic is never rational. Are there other options? Could you take a taxi to the party and quietly leave if you find it's getting too much? Is there a trusted friend who could be relied on to look after you?

It's quite a weird situations, I don't know anyone at the party apart from DH and Step son. He's int recently started to have contact with him again and ex wife can be difficult and I've largely avoided her up until now. So I don't want to give her reason to kick off. We can't take a taxi due to funds really, it's far more expensive than the bus. I think I'm worrying because the day is completely out of my control.

OK, given the context I can quite understand why this is going to be difficult for you; the bus stuff is a smoke screen but a difficult ex-wife explains why your mind is conjuring up thoughts of an incident or being attacked.

In reality there is nothing in life we can control, other than ourselves and the way we react to others - we have 100% control over that. Would your be DH supportive if you voiced your worries to him? That you do want to be there but you need him to watch out for you and step in if there's a whiff of any trouble?

Yes he knows I will feel uncomfortable and said it will all be okay. I think it's also th use of public transport which we wouldn't normally use. And I'm just conjuring up horror stories of anything that could go wrong etc

Id just tell them that youre not feeling well enough to deal with kids party and ex partner crap. That youre sorry but this angst isn't worth it. I would not want to go to that party at all either. They can have some good father son time.

And I'm just conjuring up horror stories of anything that could go wrong etc

Conjuring up = what we call 'pretending' in children.

But this is not a hill to die on, if it's too much for you then make a plan to celebrate the birthday in another way. How old is your stepson?

How did it go OP did you manage to get to the party. I'm an anxiety sufferer myself so I know how overwhelming things can be. I've also talked myself out of doing stuff due to terrible anxiety. hope all worked out in the end.