Counselling breaking down

[NorthernDancer]

I have a verbal diagnosis from a locum GP of cPTSD, but it's not in my notes.

I've been in counselling for two and a half years, one year with the current counsellor, trying to unravel some difficult ( very difficult) family relationships and create strategies for managing them going forward. Two and a half years sounds like a long time, but the main issues are both ongoing and walking away is not an option in either case.

Yesterday, completely out of the blue, the counsellor said that it would be unethical for her to continue working with me if I was going to talk about other people! This came as a complete surprise as I had gone into the session with my journal feeling quite proud of myself for having negotiated a very awkward situation over the weekend and understanding why I was feeling the way I was. I can't see how I could have explained this to the counsellor without mentioning the other people involved (the one who backed me up and the one who gaslighted me [again] in a particularly unpleasant way).

I'm very upset by what she said, which has led to immediate high anxiety, a tendency towards dissociation and a desire/need to drink, which is the one thing I had hoped to avoid as the counselling had previously enabled me to stop drinking. On my way home from the session, I was in Tesco, looking for a bottle of gin, but thankfully they didn't have my brand.

I'm not sure I can go back. I don't know what to do. The message I take from this is that she no longer wants to work with me, which leaves me completely without support. Is this ethical? Should I complain? Advice?

Thanks

This sounds very strange. You must have talked about other people in sessions before. I can't imagine how therapy could work if you are never allowed to talk about anyone else since much of it is about looking into how you relate to other people.
Are you sure you heard/ understood correctly? This is not meant as a criticism - I have realised that I somestimes completely misunderstand things my therapst has said.

Does she have a supervisor or manager you could contact?

Is it at all possible that she knows the people you're talking about? That could be a possible reason for her comments.

That usually means the counsellor has a conflict of interest (ie you're talking about someone she knows in her life).

This sounds super unhelpful! I would send her an email explaining what you've written here and asking for clarification. It's possible she misspoke, I guess? But if she doubles down then explain you can no longer work with her.

I would then speak to her supervisor or manager and ask for another counsellor if possible. You can also make a complaint to the BACP if all else fails.

I can't see how any kind of counselling or therapy will work if you are only allowed to speak about yourself!

If they are private, they can choose when to stop working with clients. And as a client you have little if any say so.
speaking from sad experience.

The chances of her knowing the people I was talking about are vanishingly small, so I don't think it's that.

If they are any good, they don't try to get the client to leave by telling them some bullshit like, "you can't talk about other people."

OP, she should still be registered with the BACP or other professional body, even if she works out of a private practice. You can still complain.

Email her, OP, and ask her to clarify.

You said it came "out of the blue" - had you started speaking about a situation?

The only thing I can think of is if you were disclosing something illegal that you'd done... but even then, it would be a strange way to say it.

Don’t let this take away from how well you did with being assertive OP, you can still be proud of yourself for that.

I hope she explains herself, her timing seemed off.

That is bizarre, I've never heard of this and I've had a LOT of therapy. I think you need to find a new counsellor, at least one of you has to be sound of mind and traditionally that would be her...

As I said above, there is almost no danger that she knows the people I am struggling with, who live 200 miles away. Also, I have never discussed anything even remotely illegal!

I have now made the decision not to go back and have e mailed the person who does the admin for this organisation to tell them this and explained why.

I cannot complain directly to a professional organisation as I only know her first name and have not been able to find her online.

In other news, my DH supports my decision, which is good, but has said that he knows what the issues are and he can help me with them. It's probably time I opened another can of worms by telling him just how large a part of the problem he is!

Thanks all

Response from the organisation:

Thanks for letting us know.

I'm really not sure that covers it.