I am being guilt tripped by my mother and it’s affecting me deeply.

[couri]

I contacted professional help as I can’t deal with my emotions very well but this is not immediately available. I feel so anxious.
I already have a stressful job, two small kids and a household to run. My mum guilt trips me so badly that it always ends with her being ‘ill’ in a ‘critical situation’ that leads to the anxiety of the entire family, obviously I am to blame for her sickness as I was the reason to upset her. This time she is upset that I spoke to my sister-in-law without her permission (she hates her guts) and now is saying my sister-in/law is divorcing my brother for ‘unknown reasons’. I am not even sure if that’s true as she often lies a lot.

it’s so hard and I feel like I have no one to talk to about this.

its also embarrassing to have a mother who behaves like this and my worry is that it’s going to impact my relations with my sons when I become a mother in law.

I have no advice but can empathise as my mother behaves in exactly the same way. I feel emotionally crushed by it.

The above is manipulation and your mother sounds like she has a personality disorder.

Im sure you know this but you are a grown adult and a mother yourself. You do not need permission from anyone to speak to whoever you want. You are in charge of your life.

You’ve been living with this for your entire life so will have developed strategies of dealing with this (the easiest being just going along with whatever she wants to keep the peace). Many of these strategies are damaging to you and you run the risk of passing these patterns down to your DC. So you are right in seeking professional help.