DS (21) with schizophrenia and an alcohol problem

[tinydynamine]

I have been a long-tine "lurker" here and am curious as to what advice you would give me.

My DS (21) was diagnosed with schizophrenia a couple of years ago, was prescribed medication which he stopped taking last summer. He refused to leave the house for 4 months becasue he believed there were people outside lying in wait for him. He lives with me but his other parent is vermy much present in his life

Things escalated and he was sectioned for 2 months. He's now on a depot injection every four weeks and is able to leave the house to attend a day centre for people with severe mental health problems.

Unfortunately he developed an alcohol addiction about 4-5 years ago as a form of self-medication before the diagnosis. Drinking enabled him to leave the house, use public transport etc. During the four months stuck at home and the two months in the clinic he had no access to alcohol and I hoped the cravings had gone. But no.

I have complete control of his finances and have made sure he has no access to money. However, he has started buying alcohol again using money that other people in the day centre have lent to him, or buy selling his computer games in a second-hand shop.

In the last ten days he has been drunk on four occasions. On one occasion, the day centre called me and asked me to pick him up because he was so drunk they could not send him home on his own. Yesterday he came home drunk after spending the day at his other parent (he stole money), he threatened me when I aksed him not to come in and then slammed his bedroom door shut about thirty times. We live in a block with 8 flats...the noise could be heard in the whole building,

I am basically at my wits' end. I take him to the day centre every day for 9am, and pick him up again at 3pm. Every time my mobile rings I fear the worst. My whole life revolves around him. I have a full-time job and have organised my hours accordingly. I have had enough and don't know what to do.

I have no advice about your son, but do you have any support yourself? Perhaps your local council have a carers centre? You could drop in or contact them for advice/support/signposting to other organisations that may be able to help you.

I would also be looking to share the load with the non resident parent and speaking to them about the situation.

Thank you for taking the time to reply! Yes, I have support. I see a psychotherapist regularly, I am a member of an association for carers. The non-resident parent is involved, but they have their own mental health issues to deal with.

Is your son ever on an even keel? If so, how does he react when you broach the subject of getting help with the drinking?

He accepts that he has a problem. He attends addiction counselling, goes to an Al-Anon group every week, has been in a detox clinic twice in the last three months (once for two weeks but thrown out for drinking on the ward, the second time for 3 weeks). He wants to stop but says that he can't.

We are now looking at long-term residential therapy (three months). We are in Germany. Mental health services still function better than in the UK.

I suppose it is a small mercy that he sees he has a problem and appears willing to try to get help with it.

I hope other people are along soon with some good advice. I wish you and your son all the best and hope his residential therapy goes well. It must be so difficult for you.

Thank you for your kind words!

Hiya. I've not got a huge amount of experience with this but I did work in housing for men with mental heath problems and I saw some who wouldn't take their meds, or went on and off them, or struggled with their life, or refused to accept things.

When I said, 'oh its so sad, what will happen to him now', my boss said, 'he will go round and round this cycle until he understands that he has to have his depot / has to not smoke weed / has to attend his appts by himself and not because his mum made him / has to tell the truth about what he is experiencing'.

It made me realise that people have to go through their own processes and get their own just outcomes (1+1=2), so they can start choosing more wisely and not be 'saved' by someone who loves them.

In your shoes, I would ask him to move out to supported accommodation asap - even this week. A letter stating 'you can no longer live here as of X date' will force the hand of the council, who will then house him, and if he bounces around because he doesn't do what he needs to do, he will start to learn. It is terribly worrying, especially during the bits when he thinks he can do what he likes and you'll just let him back. The first, second, third times you don't let him back are what will teach him, but they are the hardest times.

Thank you @something2say ! Yes, this is the "rock bottom" theory. I have to admit I'm scared to let him fall, worried he will end up on the streets, in a filty sleeping bag, at back of the local trains station with all the other addicts.

Hiya. You're in Germany and mental health services are better than in the uk? Does your son have a support worker? These are the people who need to know where he is.

I think he needs rehab therapy in a residential centre. He is still young so his brain is malleable. I don't think I would want him in supported accommodation until mid 20s. As an aside, did he ever show signs of ADHD? My brother has paranoid schizophrenia and I think this dx trumps other ones but I think he had AdHD as he always was into quite risky behaviour. There is a strong link with addiction and ADHD, essentially it's dopamine seeking behaviour because of boredom. Is there something medication wise that reduces alcohol cravings? Has he been through Recovery Colleage? Sending you solidarity, just to share - my DB was sectioned aged 24, it was a long road because he didn't get on well being back at home (prior to this he had been a motor bike courier Including periods of rough sleeping when he could not pay rent and we did not know where he was). He moved into supported accommodation but he was easy prey for drug dealers, they targeted him. He had people using and abusing him. On more than one occasion i Had to move myself in (he got his own flat) to get rid of the dealers and users ,putting my own life at risk. Eventually the police caught up with this (google County lines) about a decade later and eventually he was moved into a safe third floor flat in a secure building on his own. That was 15 years of hell really but thankfully he doesn't have a heroin addiction, isn't dead, has a stable safe home for life. Which is a good outcome. So I guess what I am trying to say is, throw everything you can at the situation to try and disrupt the path to addiction. Give him alternative routes.

Equally don't endorse giving him access to money as then you become an enabler.

Rock bottom is usually when people are totally abandoned, or given unfettered access to the resources to fuel their addiction. However you have to be mindful of the toll it can take on you. I did what I could live with, I couldn't live with it if he died and I didn't know I did everything I could, he is my blood at the end of the day, if not me then who.

He does annoy me a lot though and I can't say I understand him or we are super close.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Wound his doctors be willing to prescribe drugs which would discourage him from drinking - it's called Antabuse.

I think it is complicated - he is medicating for his schizophrenia but this is a severe mental illness and alcohol will make it worse.