Burnout but I have a toddler

[GinnyBee]

How exactly am I supposed to deal with a burnout when I have a small child? It’s not necessarily work related, work isn’t particularly stressful, but more a whole life thing. I’m soooooo tired! I need time when I’m neither working nor parenting a small child. I work part time and when I’m not working I’m home with my toddler. Due to my husband’s work schedule we only have one day off together each week.

If I get signed off work we can no longer afford childcare so I’d get no more time off than I do now. And work isn’t easy to sack off anyway since I work at my husband’s family farm, which wouldn’t run without me but also can’t afford to hire external staff, so if I take extended sick leave it would just mean everyone else has to work more, and cause strain in personal relationships.

I’m not sure what I want from this post, maybe just sympathy? Some reassurance that it gets better?

If you have a husband who you only get one day a week with, why can't he have the toddler on his own during this time just once so you can chill out on your own?

Parenting a toddler can be absolutely exhausting if you never have a second for yourself. I understand how you're feeling - I don't work so I am with toddler ds every minute of every day, we co sleep so he's there when I go to bed and wake up, and he's poorly right now so even more attached to me - I know what burnout feels like and you should try and stop it before it happens
You need a wee break and some time to look after yourself first. One full day every now and then would really help you

DS is almost 3 and has been a really difficult baby and toddler, thankfully coming out the other side now.

I have survived this last few years with the support of my DH. We have had to face every day as a team and he has picked me up more times than I can remember. In the early days when DS would just scream and scream and scream some more, DH would make me a brew and just take him out as soon as he finished work, telling me to just sit and regroup and recover from the screaming.

You need to fit in a bit of you time and prioritise you time over family time some times.

I don't know what the answer is but I also know you'll have to find something. Burnout doesn't disappear on its own, and you're better off nipping it in the bud rather than let it get worse.
Think about whether temporary part time working might help, maybe using annual/parental leave to go on reduced hours? You need time on your own to rest.

Thanks everyone. I work part-time already and honestly I think I would be less exhausted with full time work 😬 but that’s not currently an option. I think going forward my husband and I will try to split the day we have together so that I take the toddler out in the morning and he takes him in the afternoon. He already does childcare on his own on his other day off in the week when I’m working so we don’t have to send him to nursery an extra day, so he’s also in need of personal time.

I was also just diagnosed with ADHD last week so I think that’s part of the problem too. And the toddler’s sleep has been dogshit for soooooo long! 😭😴

Just with the bad sleep point, do you and your husband need to take turns sleeping with the toddler, just so the other gets a nights sleep?
I also have a kid who doesn't sleep (ASD) and sometimes you just need to go into survival mode.
Nothing can feel right if you're not rested.

@Eieiom my husband helps as much as he can, but if he tries to settle him at night there will be war! So it has to be me. But he will do things like get a bottle of milk if the toddler asks for it and brings it to us, or gets up to play or watch tv if it’s a split night, and always gets up first in the morning and lets me sleep in. Whether or not the kiddo will agree to come into our bed depends on the night and if he does then that’s usually a lot easier and he sleeps in later, but sometimes he will fight me kicking and screaming if I try to bring him in 🤷🏼‍♀️

Solidarity @GinnyBee , I also have a bad sleeper.
We had a double mattress on the floor in the kids room, and took turns to lie in and settle the sleep monster. Meant we could stay and sleep too.
Apologies if I'm teaching my grandmother to suck eggs, I've felt as you have and would love if any suggestions I had could help you!

So ironically we had a queen size floor bed until October and swapped back to his cot bed because he was sleeping pretty well and wanted some more room in his room and made it all nice 🤦🏼‍♀️

You've been through it all @GinnyBee ! I suppose one thing I would say to you is to do whatever it takes to survive and give yourself permission to do that. You might need a few nights away to decompress for example.