Please Help me get out of a fog!

[Anothe]

Hello, I’m kind of discovering that DH is controlling. People have been trying to tell me for years and I couldn’t see it or didn’t know what to do. He’s not awful enough to make it clear cut, and it’s dawned on me that a lot of the stuff that’s caused me anxiety is due to his actions. I think. I may be wrong, I may also be acting like a victim blaming him when it’s my fault.
anyway I now need to face up to what’s happening and I’m struggling. It’s like I can’t quite see it.
i find I’m without a plan or any oomph and days pass that I just sort of stagger through.
how can I break this cycle? I’m seeing a therapist but not sure what we are achieving. I guess I ask her what to do.
sorry vague post. I feel vague!

Asking your therapist is a good idea. Also try taking baby steps to regain control over your decisions and choices. So if he suggests doing (or not doing) something you disagree with you could say "no, I'd prefer not to, I'd like to do X instead". See what happens.

Thanks eyes

I’ve been in a similar situation. It has actually really helped me to not feel like I have to do anything about it. I can look and see the problems in my relationship and see them clearly, but not feel like I have to change anything right now. Because the change will come.

Try to tap into all your emotions daily - good and bad and let them be for a while without feeling like you need to change anything just yet.

Thanks! I think that’s what the therapist is saying- let emotions flow through you without doing anything about them. Easier said than done 😁 she also pointed out how he might see the situation we are in, that’s causing all the stress, which is helpful I guess.

He’s not awful enough to make it clear cut, and it’s dawned on me that a lot of the stuff that’s caused me anxiety is due to his actions. I think. I may be wrong, I may also be acting like a victim blaming him when it’s my fault.

It does not matter whether it is clear cut or not, or whether some of it is your fault or his. The fact is that the situation is causing you deep anxiety and is stopping you from living your life to the full.

Do you think you might be happier without him in your life? If so, how can you make this happen?