Letter written - last day of meds.

[hk1993x]

I've had enough. The constant sadness, the mind blanks etc.

The nurses are coming out today I've wrote a letter and after today I am coming off all medications. Fuck this I've had enough 🥹

I've attached the letter. There are 3 pages

Page2

Page 3

Is your counselling doing any good? What sort of therapy is it?

Are the nurses coming as a result of the letter, or will you give them the letter when they come?
What sort of counselling are you having?

Oh @hk1993x I really hope they pay attention to your letter today it is clear how distressed you are and are in need of some proper intervention. Good luck and kept us posted, we are all rooting for you to get better ❤️‍🩹 xxxx

I'm having person centred Councilling it's costing £40 per week 🥹.

The nurses are due to come out anyways as they see me every 3 days from mhaats. I'm going to give them the letters and I've taken pics so I have proof of them. I just feel like I've been majorly let down by the NHS, apart from my GP who is an angel but there's only so much she can do x

Would it be OK to DM you?

Sure. How do I check my DM's? X

Good luck for today OP. It is clear things are not working for you and there needs to be a change.

I’m a MH nurse. I presume that MHAATS is an acute treatment team? If so, it does sound you’re quite unwell, especially if you’re being seen every 3 days. It might be that a short stay in hospital is a good idea to help sort your meds out once and for all and to get you in a better place mentally. How would you feel about that? Other than that, when did you last see a psychiatrist? It’s clear that you need some clarity about your diagnosis and medication.

@hk1993x sorry to hear how bad you are feeling. I remember all to well the absolute feeling of desperation. I did in the end take an overdose just to try to be listened to but tbh it didn't make any difference.
I'm not saying medication doesn't have its place because it does and I do still take medication but me and my DH sat down one day looked at the meds and dosage I was taking as we felt that everytime I saw the psychiatrist they were either adding in another medication or upping the dosage to the point I was just like a zombie and needing to nap several times in the day as I was so tired.
It was when I started reducing my meds I started to feel a bit better. As I say I'm not against meds and do take them myself and I do still struggle with anxiety but that was the turning point for me. Xx

Yeah it's the acute team. I really don't want a stay in hospital as that will make me worse, I would just feel isolated. When I am at home I can be with my family and its the kids cuddles etc that help me 🥹 I haven't seen my psychiatrist since my last ECT session almost 2 weeks ago. Had no contact from him either.

I'm due to see nurses today but nobody has called with a time etc 😪

How long have you been having ECT and how many sessions do you have left? Symptoms like “mind blanks” can happen while ECT is in progress but should get better soon.
I understand what you’re saying about hospital. The thought can be really scary, especially if you’ve never had an admission before. I’m glad you have a supportive family x

I had 6 sessions twice a week for 3 weeks. I finished my last session over 2 weeks ago now. I just feel really let down and don't know where I stand. They started me on Lamotrigine and to be honest, I feel worse than before I had the ect and the Lamotrigine. I feel numb and sad 😪

I have a very supportive family and I'm so glad for them but I'm just a burden to them now. I'm slowly withdrawing away from friends etc because they don't need to listen to my sob stories. I'm even pushing away my husband. I can see how frustrating he is becoming even though we have been together since I was 15, I'm no good to him. I'm just a waste of space.

I called the nurses and they said they will be in touch so I don't know. If only a gun was a viable option but I want to live, I just want out this pain 🥹😪

OP it could be the lamotrigine making you worse? I had that with pregabalin, it made me really low.

Have they checked your endocrine system out? Sounds like your hormones could be totally out of whack. I'm not a medical professional in any way but I go know that if something is amiss endocrinologically, it can make you feel utterly hopeless and dreadful.

I'm getting my bloods done for hormones etc tomorrow from my own gp 🥹 she's been brilliant with me x

Yeah I think it is making me worse. Gonna come off it I think x

How did you appointment go @hk1993x

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Hi OP @hk1993x

How are you feeling today?

It’s horrible to read how much you are struggling but well done for managing to write it all down.

It sounds like you are on so many treatments so your GP will definitely be key to this. Sometimes it can take a while to find the right combination of things. It’s so horrible in the interim trying things that don’t work or even make things worse. However, please try and stick in there and things will improve eventually.

Im happy to chat any time if you want to message me privately.

Try and give your family a big cuddle and just take things really easy where you can.

Sometimes with the NHS you really do have to ‘shout the loudest’ so don’t be afraid to keep hassling them until you get the treatment you need and they make you a priority.

x

Hi all, pretty much the same. I have the psychiatrist this afternoon.

My GP has referred me to rheumatology and urology as i keep having blood urine etc and I'm being tested for lupus.

Just feeling so down and angry at the world this morning x

Well.. I have to say the NHS is absolutely on its knees now.

The psychiatrist I seen pretty much deemed me "untreatable" and that he is at a loss. I'm being referred back to the community mental health team.

He made me feel so small in that room, questioning everything and just saying its just bad luck.

Hopefully the community psychiatrist is alot kinder to me and helps find some answers x

You might get withdrawal symptoms I had shivering etc, hope you are OK.

I have heard there are psychiatric symptoms to lupus, I wonder if that is going on? I guess the blood tests will reveal more

Hang in there! Sometimes the GP can be helpful (I also have both MH and physical problems) although I know they can be busy..It can sometimes be helpful if you try and ask for / see the same one e.g. the one which asked for the blood tests. Thinking of you.

So sorry your feeling like this OP. Please speak to your GP about whether you can just stop the meds or whether you need to taper down the dose.