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Mental health

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Original poster

Don't want to wake up tomorrow.

42 replies

3kids1cat · 01/04/2008 23:15

Feel really down, can't stop crying. Had a termination last week, was the only option and not upset about it but feel empty. DP hardly speaks to me, works away from home 3 nights a week and when he's at home works practically non stop including all night long lately. Trying to cope with 3 kids, a 9 mo who has just started walking!! No money, a tiny, messy house and just feel totally lonely and isolated. I only keep going for the kids but right now I'm not making their lives any better either. Just don't see any light at the end of this very long dark tunnel.

OP posts:

Scramble · 01/04/2008 23:16

You must feel very lonely, but you are not alone.

LynetteScavo · 01/04/2008 23:17

Poor you. There is light, you just can't see it yet. Have you had councelling for the termination?

LynetteScavo · 01/04/2008 23:20

Are you still there 3kids1cat? Or have you gone to bed?

luckylady74 · 01/04/2008 23:25

If you can't see that you're making the kids life better please try and understand how devestated they'd be if you weren't there. I'm sorry you're feeling so down - talking is the only way out of this - counselling for the termination can include talking about all of this too.

Original poster

3kids1cat · 01/04/2008 23:25

hi, still here just settling dd. I haven't had councelling. I feel bad but it's not that that is really upsetting me. I know I had no option really.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 01/04/2008 23:28

Whats the worst bit? The mess, the lack of money, your DH?

luckylady74 · 01/04/2008 23:29

It sounds like you're in a very lonely place and your termination has highlighted the fact that your dh won't talk - a horrid situation to be in. What is the history behind the lack of communication?

Original poster

3kids1cat · 01/04/2008 23:34

He's never been a big talker really, not about stuff that matters anyway. We've been together 4 years and the first 2 of those was long distance. He only moved in properly a few months before dd was born. He says he's stressed with work but it's all he ever does. He never asks if I'm ok or even says goodmorning or goodnight these days. He thinks I nag, but sometimes it's just to have some sort of communication. I'm so lonely, I miss him even though he's sat downstairs.

OP posts:

WingsofanAngel · 01/04/2008 23:34

How about talking to your doctor ?

What are dh's feelings about the termination ?

WingsofanAngel · 01/04/2008 23:37

Would you be able to write down how you feel to make him understand, so it doesn't seem to him that you are nagging ?

Is he working so much to make ends meet or because it is his reason to escape.

Original poster

3kids1cat · 01/04/2008 23:39

Don't want to take any meds but am aware I am suffering from depression. Did speak to my HV but she pretty much said it's common to feel down and I should get out more, exercise etc.
DP would have liked to have had another child but knows we couldn't unless our situation changed completely.

OP posts:

Scramble · 01/04/2008 23:43

Writing things down might help him undertand better what you are feeling, he could do the same.

Perhaps you could arrange to have at least one night together a week, could just be staying in once kids asleepand having a nice dinner together or watching a film. Just a bit of time together. I know only to well the lonelyness when they are actually in the same house, worse than whenthey are away working. I would say that needs to be tackled soon.

Does he manage any time at the weekends, it would be good if you could all go to the park together or for a walk, sounds like you both need a breath of fresh air.

WingsofanAngel · 01/04/2008 23:43

Your HV sounds understanding NOT. You need to get out more WTF ?

So does Dh blame you for the termination ?

What is your situation ?

Is it something you can improve in the future ?

luckylady74 · 01/04/2008 23:43

You and dh have had very big life changes recently and some men do retreat into work to get away from emotional problems or because they think it is their job to earn the money to get you out of a situation.
I really understand how you can feel lonely when you're in the same house.
How do you think he would feel about you saying what you've said to us to him?
I have to be very careful with my dh because he often feels like i'm blaming him for a problem when I'm just looking for a sympathetic ear - so I tend to start off saying that I don't need a solution I need a cuddle.

Scramble · 01/04/2008 23:45

Men do tend to think we are looking for them to provide a solution, they don't get that sometimes its about getting things of your cheast or just sharing. Might help to explain that you are not expecting him to sort it all out and provide the solution.

Original poster

3kids1cat · 01/04/2008 23:46

Have tried writing things down before but it doesn't seem to sink in anywhere. I think he'd rather just ignore the fact I'm upset. He says he has to work so hard to keep his job, but I just can't believe they expect him to be working 24 hours a day! He thinks I don't understand,worst part is I hardly see a penny of what he earns because he has big debts from his batchelor days and a mortgage on the flat he keeps up north. I could deal with it all if he just took one hour a day to sit with me, give me a hug and have a chat. Feel like I'm getting more and more depressed by the day. Sorry, just sounding like I'm moaning now but it all just feels pointless.

OP posts:

Scramble · 01/04/2008 23:50

You moan away, thats what MNet is all about.

LynetteScavo · 01/04/2008 23:51

I think medication might be the answer to getting you through the next few months. You need lots of energy to care for 3 DC's, which is just so tough if you're depressed.

Original poster

3kids1cat · 01/04/2008 23:52

You're right I'm not expecting anything, I don't want him to give up work, buy us a huge house or pay for holidays. I just want a partner, to share my normal day to day life with, but he still thinks I'm being unreasonable, and not his boss who phones him for meetings at 7o'clock on a friday evening when I'm there struggling to get 3 kids washed and in bed. I really really love him, but it doesn't feel like he even cares.

OP posts:

WingsofanAngel · 01/04/2008 23:55

I know from experience that debt can be a big burden on your life. Have you sat down with him and talked about the best was to deal with it.

You both need a quality of life together. Even if you don't have alot of money you need to have each other.

We went for bankruptcy in 06 after many years of not getting anywhere. It took a long time to make that decision and to be honest it's the best thing we could have done. We can't get credit and we don't want it but it made us even stronger.

Original poster

3kids1cat · 01/04/2008 23:57

Lynette I understand your suggestion and know that for so many people meds are a life saver and work wonders. I'm just the kind of person who hates to even take a pain killer, I worry that I would become dependant, as I know I have that kind of personality where anything that makes me feel better I cling to. I am usually quite good at pulling myself out of these down periods but to be honest I am very fed up of the constant rollercoaster of emotions I keep going through lately.

OP posts:

WingsofanAngel · 02/04/2008 00:01

Someone I know took AD's although she didn't really want to she decided when to come off them and she is doing ok now.

windygalestoday · 02/04/2008 00:02

dont think im being nasty (im not)
you have a v stressful life you have just had an operation u are very sad thats no surprise your dp needs a hefty kick up the arse and some stright speaking it cannot go on- you made 3 kids together, you undertook a v difficult decision for the best of your family ....now it must be for the best of YOU - you need some tlc no matter what debts he has you still need a uality of life you still need enjoyment and company - he needs to sort his priorities out hes not child.
i feel for you i really do.

luckylady74 · 02/04/2008 00:02

You're not moaning - you're in a really distressing situation.
I am an advocate of antidepressants -in the short term they helped me get together the energy to work out how to move on with a difficult situation.
I respect you are anti meds - so counselling is all I can think of and I know that can be hard to get - though I would try talking to your gp about it 'I don't want to wake up' are feelings that should not be ignored by a professional.
Keep talking.

LynetteScavo · 02/04/2008 00:08

If you are anti meds(which I do understand), it would still be worth talking all the options over with your GP.

You're not alone in not wanting to wake up tommorow. Been there. Done that.

Are you new to your area?

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