The horrible thoughts.

[hk1993x]

Hi all..

I'm not doing to good. I'm trying to stay strong and I want to live but I just can't stop thinking about dying 😔

I have no active plans, I just keep getting the increasing thoughts in my head that I don't want to live like this, I don't think I have any fight left in me 🥹 I'm trying to hang on because I want to live to be with my kids and hubby. I want to LIVE and wake up every morning feeling somewhat positive. I wake up to fear, dread and sadness. My head hurts, I'm tired of fighting this.

I feel like I am beyond help and I am hanging on by a thread.

Has anyone ever come out the other side of this?

My 2 youngest boys just came up to cuddle me and ask me if I was OK 🥹 they don't need me, they deserve so much better. All 4 of my beautiful kids do. I am under the hospital for treatment but kind of just been left to it I feel.

I'm only a week into lamotrigine but I'm taking diazpam, fluoxetine etc but I feel NOTHING POSITIVE.

I'm just a waste of space and don't deserve my family 🥹

Sorry I can't really advise but couldn't not reply. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Can you tell your husband you're feeling like this? Can you make an urgent appointment with GP? Your kids absolutely need you, they do, even if you don't feel that or can't see it.

SMS: Text SHOUT to 85258
Please contact Samaritans for support or your GP.
You are loved by your family and they need you more than you know. You are have a purpose in the world and your loss to others will be devastating. With the right support you can get through this. Remember these thoughts and feeling are temporary you will get through this.

Xxx

Two months ago this was me @hk1993x I didn’t want to die but I didn’t want to live either 🥺 two months on I’m still struggling everyday but I’m no longer in the depths of despair and I can see hope for the future. You will get there. Your kids absolutely need you even if u can’t see it, you’re the only mum they’ll ever have and they love you. Please keep fighting lovely and if it helps ring the Samaritans and just get everything out and tell them your thoughts. They won’t judge, they’ll just listen xx

It's been months for me and I'm still getting up everyday and trying to push through. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this. I just feel like im a massive burden on everyone and my family deserve so much more ❤️

I've never really articulated all my feelings but think I've probably had depression/anxiety for a long time. Won't go into it but it all began to revolve around health anxiety and I began to think I can understand why people would think they are better off not living like that. I'm probably quite a bit older than you. I started HRT about 18 months ago - and I remember in the last few months thinking - oh my god - I haven't had those bleak thoughts /feelings for a while, I don't routinely think about awful things. Not saying it's the same cause at all for you, but mine was partly caused by hormones - and replacing them helped. Do you have any idea whether it could be caused by anything?

I am due to get hormonal bloods done next week, I'm 31. I also have the mirena coil in which I'm going to ask to be removed and get sterilised. I'm also awaiting bloods results for lupus. I know there is something going on but genuinely can't figure it out xx

Mine were also caused by hormonal im balance (thyroid) and snap I have bad health related anxiety, it’s horrible to live with it, have to anchor our selves to our support mechanism and take each day as it. It’s crazy because you really believe it’s you and how you feel and not some chemicals in your body affecting your thoughts!

Thanks all, I'm trying to give myself a really good shake. I'm due to see the psychiatrist again soon and taking my best friend with me as my advocate as she has lots of experience with mental health. I have the GP also for blood tests etc and going to enquire about getting the coil out and maybe ask to be sterilised? I'm 4 kiddies in and definitely do not want anymore.

I will continue to keep fighting, its bloody hard but the cuddles the kids gave me today when I was upset just broke my heart. They need me. And I need them ❤️

They said my thyroid is fine? My folate is a little low so now on folic acid. I wish there was a test to see what chemicals are the ones being arseholes in our brain 🤣

Lamotrigine fixed this for me, I hope it works for you too, give it a few weeks

And I would get the coil out asap

How long did it take to work? I'm a week in and feel like utter shit 😒 defo thinking of getting the coil out, so paranoid as I don't want to get pregnant though! X

Could it be the Coil 🤔, gave me terrible anxiety, I didn’t know how bad it was until it came out! Lots of women rave about it and have had for years, didn’t work for me, I get PMS but at least that only last a few days, could was like PMS 24/7!

Also what level is your TSH, anything above 3 could be causing problems and your thyroid can go at anytime so just a one off “it’s okay” is not enough, they told me in November it was stable and then the last three months I feeling very low (the bad thoughts), teary, exhausted I was convinced I was in early menopause as periods also became irregular they did the bloods this week and told me I need stronger medication. It’s such a horrible horrible place to be because you do think there’s something wrong with you, you’re a burden etc but you just need to keep digging until you find the root cause (in some cases it might be low serotonin or depression caused by family history or past traumas etc, get a full blood profile, remove the coil and see if that improves things if nothing found and no improvement you might need a combination of psychotherapy and medication, if you feel up to it try exercising (walking does wonders for me). Importantly remember you’re not alone with the way that you feel, the thread you have started has attracted people that all share your thoughts and feelings! Reach out anytime! 😊