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Need urgent help for teen

11 replies

perhapstomorrow · 27/04/2024 04:45

Not posted on mumsnet in a long time but I urgently need advice. My dd (16) had a phone call from a friend at midnight. He had too much to drink and also had some weed. He was in a bad way, crying, begging for help. We located him through snapmaps and he begged me and my daughter not to take him home. He was in a t-shirt and not wearing any shoes so I took him back to ours. I've only met him once before.

Transpires he has been abused by his dad and step dad and witnessed abuse from step dad to his mum. Step dad is no longer around.

He was so scared and didn't want my daughter to leave his side, so she chatted away to him. I managed to answer his phone from his mum and told her where he was and that he had two much to drink and I didn't want to leave him on the street, so thought it best he came home with my dd. I gave her my number but stupidly never noted hers as friend was getting paranoid about the whereabouts of his phone.

Anyway, I went into the other room and he carried on chatting to my dd. She sends a message that he wants to kill himself. I go back into the room and she is in tears over his talk of suicide. My dh suggests that everyone needs some sleep as emotions are running high. I offer to stay with the friend so my dd leaves as it's 2.30 by this stage.

I've now chatted to the friend. He is under cahms and is so full of anger about what has happened to him and his mum. He talked about killing himself and I really think he's seriously contemplating it. He has not slept properly for I don't know how long and regularly drinks and takes drugs. He told me where he has left notes and how he would do it. He just wants to "sleep" and be with his grand parents.

If you have any advice on what I can do to help please tell me. I'm totally out of my depth. He's finally fallen asleep, but I promised him I'd stay so that he doesn't wake up scared. I need a plan of what to do next when he wakes up. I've told him I'll take him home and I don't know if his mum knows what he is feeling. He says counselling and cahms has not helped.

TIA

OP posts:
Droolylabradors · 27/04/2024 04:53

Omg op I'm posting to keep this in the top of active for you, though I have no actual advice.

Though I think if it was me I might see if I can try to get to social services via the police non emergency number. How old is the boy? If under 16 I think you would have to report what has happened.

Droolylabradors · 27/04/2024 04:53

Rather I would feel obliged to. Do you know what college he belongs to?

perhapstomorrow · 27/04/2024 04:56

He's either 16 or 17 as he is same year as dd. Yes I know what college. I was thinking I should contact the college but he only goes in one day a week as he missed so much school.

OP posts:
PoopingAllTheWay · 27/04/2024 04:58

I would personally of taken him to A&E

He needs help and possible inpatient care

You are in a room with a very vulnerable child who wants to kill themselves
Get help now, via a hospital

perhapstomorrow · 27/04/2024 05:00

Just to clarify I am pretty sure the abuse happened in the past. I mentioned the police to him when I initially thought that an incident happened this evening and he became distressed as it turns out the step dad in in the police.

OP posts:
perhapstomorrow · 27/04/2024 05:03

Sorry its been a long night so not sure im making sense. The step dad left his mum a while ago so the abuse happened when he was younger.

OP posts:
Luckycloverz · 27/04/2024 05:10

Leave him to sleep and rest for now but as soon as he wakes I'd be calling 111 for advice and re age they'll sort correct departments who can help him and explain what happens next.

If he isn't agreeable to 111 or tries to leave/gets agitated etc then the risk is higher and call 999, either way it needs reporting.

Notsonifty50 · 27/04/2024 05:46

Op if you use this link you can find mental health help in your area.

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

ICanFixHim · 27/04/2024 06:11

You need to contact the crisis service for your area for advice and his mum needs to know.

If you are worried he is at immediate risk then you call 999 and they can send an ambulance or take him to A&E.
If there's a hospital with a separate children's A&E that's often less distressing.

Octavia64 · 27/04/2024 06:44

How convinced are you that the abuse was in the past?

I would tread extremely carefully here. If step dad is in the police then reporting this to the police could cause more problems than it solves.

It is very common for people who have been abused to self medicate with drugs and alcohol to try to control their feelings of shame and hurt.

The fact he is being seen by CAMHS is good. Unfortunately recovery from the mental health issues caused by abuse is a long term project.

When he wakes up, it is probably a good idea to talk to him about what support he has available. Ask him if college know about his mh issues (make clear he doesn't have to tell them that they are caused by abuse).

Many colleges have systems to support students like this as this sort of situation is depressingly common.

As he is under CAMHS they may have a crisis line that he can call if he is feeling suicidal, (I know there is a crisis line for adults but I'm not sure about teens).

Just checked and they are for all ages.

He (or you) can call 111

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

perhapstomorrow · 27/04/2024 07:20

Thanks for all the links and advice. He is still asleep but I will definitely speak to him about support when he wakes up.

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