advice needed for my DDs suicidal father....

[JackJacksmummy]

Its a very long story so i'll gloss over the basics...

I found out i was pregnant with my DD at 4 months, he has another girlfriend by then and didn't want to know, he saw her about 6 times between birth and 18 months old.

She is now almost 8 and just before xmas they met for first time since she was a toddler and she thinks he's great, which is good, i wanted them to have some kind of relationship.

BUT, there is another problem, He had another daughter by his wife (now ex) and she died last march at 6 months old so i presumed he wanted to get in touch with my daughter as he didn't want to miss any more of her life.

I knew he was depressed but he refused any medication and was beginning to see a counsellor.

We had made arrangements for them to meet up again in the feb half term but i heard nothing til 10 days after, him apologing because he had been in hospital.

I left it at that, not wanting to pry and texted him about 2 weeks later asking if he was ok, he said no and that he was in the mental wing of the hospital and would be for a while longer, saying that he didn't want to live and just wanted to be with his daughter.

I think he might have tried to kill himself which meant he was in there for that amount of time (about 2 months)??

I haven't told my daughter any of this by the way.

I got a message today saying he was free to do what he wanted now and was thinking friday would be the best day.

I dont know what to make of it, but i took it as him saying he was going to do it on friday (kill himself)

What do i do?, i dont speak to any of his family, i dont even speak to him much so why has he laid the burden of it at my door?

And then, if he does do it, what the hell do i tell my daughter?

sorry, i hope this doesn't offend (i know he is ill) but i just want to shout at him and tell him to stop it and not be so selfish, i wouldn't obviously, thats just how i feel.

Suicide is the easy option, its everyone that is left behind that suffers.

That sounds a difficult situation to be in, and I'm sorry I can offer no advice.

Do you think there's a relevance to Friday? Could he be using you as a cry for help? I'm sure you have had these thoughts and more yourself.

Has he made any attempt to keep in touch/see your DD since half term?

I wish I could offer more than this, hopefully someone else will be able to.

i agree with rias, he is calling out for help, otherwise he wouldnt have told you. Is there anyone you can talk to about this on his behalf?? Do you know who his doctor is (although im not sure what they can do due to patient confidentiality). Maybe you should ask to see him, arrange for him to see DD before friday?? Not sure that will be that advisable though, considering his mental state. I do agree that suicide is very selfish, however once someone wants to die they are beyond caring - its very sad and tragic. I know of far too many people who have had to pick up the pieces. Maybe you could tell him this, tell him that his daughter deserves her daddy in her life and wants him in her life. Point out to him that his daughter that is no longer here would want her daddy to look after her big sister.

You have been put in a terrible position, i hope things work out.