I am torn between asking for help and keeping it as a secret so that I can hold onto it. I am also so ashamed.
What will happen if I disclose it to a GP? Will they want to see it? I don't even know how to broach it with them. I had an opportunity today in an appointment but I just couldn't. They seem to suspect an ED instead but it is not that (although one of my children is in recovery).
I don't want to seriously harm myself or end my life, and there's a very minimal risk of infection.
Overwhelming feelings build up and certain situations in the house seem to trigger it. Part of me wants to hold on it and keep it as my little secret, but then another part desperately wants help and to be heard. I don't have depression or anxiety - I function - so I don’t really have a problem. I wish I could turn back time though and undo all the mistakes I have made as a parent.