Does anyone else just constantly feel like a s**t mum?

[Geordiebabe85]

I've 2 dcs - 3yo and 1 yo. They were soooo desperately wanted but I just feel like I made a huge mistake. I'm a terrible mum and I just feel like Ive lumbered them with me and they don't deserve it.

You are not alone. I've only 1, very much planned and wanted dc, but I do not enjoy being a parent. He's awesome, I'm rubbish. I miss my old life and I'm pretty sure if I could go back in time, I wouldn't have children. It's not been the making of me, and its' not changed my life for the better.

Yes - all the time. I have this constant feeling that motherhood is not natural for me. I feel like my daughter prefers her dad to me (which is fine I'm not jealous but I want her to have a mum who is supportive and someone she likes) she's only 1 though so I'm probably overthinking it too much.
I stress about it all, how to juggle home life and work life - my husband works shift work in a safety critical role and he is super hands on but the reality is he's not here a lot of weekends and needs to prioritise sleep. I just don't understand how people "do" motherhood in their stride when I find it so so so difficult.
Saying all that, I literally know I got it easy with my LO, Sleep is ok, doesn't cry much, very happy and easy.... so why do i find it so difficult? i love her so much but i literally cannot compute how i could manage a second in the mix. and yet i would love her to have a sibling.
So yes - i definitely feel you.

Thank you both for your replies. I absolutely love the pair of them but my god I just want a break! My OH is absolutely not hands on. Both kids massively prefer me and the 1 year old is going through really bad separation anxiety. I just want 5 minutes to myself.

I felt like this when the kids were small. Their father wasn't any help with them he was emotionally abusive and just added so much work for me and my mental health was just awful from the situation. I left him when they were 2 and 4 and life has been so much easier and generally better for the past 5 years. But relationship stress aside the 2 year age gap is really rough. It's much easier as they get older and you can sleep better and leave them to play for a while. You aren't a bad mum though because bad mums don't worry about being bad mums.

It's easier once they start school and become more independent

Every bloody day. They're very young at the moment, so am praying it gets easier as they get older but am not anticipating it doing...hahaaa 🤣

I can sympathise @Geordiebabe85 I have 2 under 5 and totally underestimated how much harder it is with 2!! You’re not a shit mum, parenting is just really tough! ❤️

Ive been feeling that...

I'm doing my best, but being exhausted criticisms from others hit harder..I'm questioning everything i do and feeling inadequate :(

Yeah I do. In many ways I love motherhood but I never knew how impatient, introverted and easily overwhelmed I am till having kids. & now I'm fat, sleep-deprived and lazy too. They deserve better than me.

I'm sure you're doing just fine. Is there anyone that can help? It takes a village to raise a child etc. We were never supposed to do it on our own in these daft little nuclear families. It's the hardest (occasionally rewarding) job ever. As long as u love them they'll be ok.x

Almost everyday OP.

Also those ages are so so hard.

Can you share what’s troubling you?

Thank you all so much.
At the moment it's separation anxiety, temper tantrums, fussy eating and illness from the 1 year old. The 3 year old is just grumpy and demanding. I know I need to remember she's only 3!

It's him who is shit not you

I don't disagree. Unfortunately I'm in no position to be thinking about leaving 😞

Yes I really struggle . I feel useless and not good enough . Like I’m not really present in the moment with them . I swear I have ptsd from having toilet breaks interrupted for so many years . My children are all Sen so the screaming or any screaming is a huge trigger for me and I feel panicky .

Absofeckinlutley 🫠 but IRL it's taboo to say it out loud as that then opens up the floodgates of judgey people. Our DD is IVF (NHS cycle) so have the added layer of you should be grateful and humbled that it worked it's exhausting and never ending.

Illness makes it all even more challenging 😥 it’s hard to divide your attention when you have a poorly baby and demanding toddler.

Yep! I have 4 beautiful kids - 13,10,8 and 7.

My eldest has adhd and Autism. I didn't want to have my 4th baby as I thought I had enough, turns out I was wrong but I tortured myself over how I nearly had a termination and he wouldn't of been here. I think that's why I have the little extra bond with him ❤️

I don't feel like a good mum, they are looked after, fed, cleaned, cared for and told everyday that they are loved but I feel so inadequate as a parent. My hubby is a great dad, he is able to do the things I can't like have the carry ons etc.

This parenting thing is hard but be kind to yourself. I'm sure we are all doing the best we can ❤️

My two are IVF too and it definitely adds to the guilt of feeling like this. We went through hell to get them and I just feel like I should be loving every single second.

Thank you so, so much everyone for your replies. It's so reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this.

Another Mum said to me not everyday has to be a blessing, so true.