is anger alone indicative of pnd?

[Piffle]

I an an angry person. I snap easily say hurtful things I cannot always control. Mostly to teen ds1 (angelic teen intruth) not do much at dd 5 as she is so good and sometimes under my breath at ds2 12 mths. Mostly at my kind hard working dp.
not all the time worse with pmt but dp says I an the worst I have ever been ANC he says I need to change. Is this anger alone indicative of pnd? Dp thinks it might be.
I've no decent reason to be depressed so am thoroughly pissed of at myself and ashamed. So there the guilt anger cycle perpetuates.
I'm still breastfeeding ds2 happily.
any advice gratefully accepted

ooh not keen on verbalizing to gp... The nice one is away sick. The others are dire.
my fault for stopping drinking... Cannot get it right!

I tihkn it can be a sympton along with others, i have pnd & one of my things is anger & being short tempered.

Would love to know if there is a online questionaire last time i filled that it dd was 8 months old!

Stopping drinking is a good thing surely.

What are you angry about?

I am on ads for PND. I didn't feel depressed as such but had terrible mood swings and a very short temper and bad PMT. The ads have helped although I was very reluctant to take them. I think lack of Seratonin is a factor in anger and irritability. I am calmer now although ads are not really a solution as such, they just give you a breathing space to work on making things better for yourself. Also, any ads would have to be compatible with breast-feeding.

'my fault for stopping drinking' - I don't understand? Alcohol is not good for any kind of mental health, at least not in any quantity. If you don't want to go to the GP, you could try St. John's Wort (check with a pharmacist to make sure it is ok with breastfeeding). But I would go to see the GP. Don't put it off as things could get worse and affect your relationship with DP and children. Do you think you could benefit from a talking therapy? Are you very tired? You say dp is hardworking and kind. Are you getting enough support? Simple things like going to bed early and eating properly, exercise will also help - obvious stuff.

I was nota heavy drinker just frequent ;) one or two most nights. It helped my irritability at 4-7pm when I'm coping with 3 kids making lots of different meals alone. Dp commutes 2 hrs each way so not home til 7-8pm usually.
what am I angry about? Easier to explain what do I not get angry about? Just very short fused. Sudden noises make me explode. Ds2 not settling ( he is a goodgood baby) ds1 prattling on. Dp everything he does I get cross at him for even his helping winds me up.
I have had mobility impaired due to severe post natal spd but this is resolving. If does affect my sleep as does having 3 kids who have been ill constantly for 6 mths on and off plus baby who does not sleep through.
I rarely leave the house due to overwhelming load of washing housework ( have recently got cleaner due to spd) and ds nap times plus school run.
I feel overwhelmed I guess. Kids are gorgeous 100% perfectly behaved and lovely
I need to focus and get some outside activities going I think. Or a project?

I don't know about a project, Piffle, I think you have enough on as it is! I am not surprised you have been having a drink at sundown. A lot on your plate. You must be frustrated and fed up about the SPD - bound to make you irritable. And it is affecting your sleep. Circumstances coming together to give you a rough time. All stuff that will make you depressed.

A cleaner will help, as would your dp coming home earlier but that is probably not going to happen. Hopefully with the SPD easing, the summer coming, lighter nights, kids not ill with winter colds....things will gradually get better. (What's the Mumsnet motto - 'this too will pass'. i.e. wait another five years and things will be easier.) I assume that getting any extra help from family or friends has already been considered?

But if you are still struggling, I would go to the GP. Antidepressants may help you cope in a more calm way until things start to get better. If your dp says things are wrong, it's important to do something about it as you don't want to be dealing with relationship problems along with everything else.

And anger alone can be indicative of PND or other depression. One definition that was given to me is that depression is the inability of your brain/emotions to adapt quickly enough to changes in your circumstances. Something bad / very stressful happens, might not be an event, could be a series of things over time, cumulative effect. You may manage to deal with it on the surface but underneath you are still playing catch-up. It can come out as anger/irritability or being tearful/sadness or you just shut down and don't get out of bed. Depends on the person. It's a reaction to being overloaded, overwhelmed.

Piffle you sound very much like I was 2 years ago. Please get yourself to a doctor - mine prescribed AD's and counselling and I'm a different person now (and finished with both). I was so snappy, constantly on edge and mentally clenching my teeth to stop from lashing out (I never did - just hated having to constantly stop myself from doing so). The Ad's (citalopram) stopped me being on such a short fuse, and the counselling got rid of my perfection complex which was cousing the frustration and agression.

I thought I couldn't be depressed, because I wasn't sad, or crying, but looking back,(especially at my mumsnet posts) I realsied that I hadn't actually been happy since having ds. And you don't have to settle for just not being happy - it's only now that I am back to being excited and enthusiastic and enjoying my life that I realsie how horrible it was not to.

pru you said it. The teeth clenching biting back the badness. Holding in the bad words. I'm sick of feeling so controlled. And yes the perfection complex, then the failure complex, then the I will try harder tomorrow complex, then back to failure.
yes I have ishoos I think know
hearing others really help
thank you

Oh piffle please please please don't suffer this any longer. I got to the stage where I was frightened that I wouldn't be able to hold back my anger anymore, and was constantly obsessing about killing myself (I always knew I wouldn't but couldn't stop thinking that it would solve everything if I did).

My first Gp was a bit crap tbh - not shocked or judgemental at all, but I went in (after a horrid weekend where I broke down completely in front of dh and literally cried for 24 hours) and said "I think I might be depressed". "Why do you think that" he said, and I explained the anger, the fear of losing control of it, the fantasising about jumping off the railway bridge on the way home from dropping off dd ("you can't", my rational side would tell me, "ds's fingers will get cold because he always pulls his gloves off") and he jsut said "yes sounds like it, have some citalopram and come back in 2 weeks". Fortunately 2 weeks later I got a lovely Gp who actually spoke to me, and arranged 6 sessions with their in house counsellor, which got me through the worst. Later, after I'd come off the Ad's, I decided I was ready to have some more serious therapy to really address the underlying issues (fortunately dh's medical insurance paid). It's not an easy process, but it's much easier than living as you are, and knowing that you (more correctly your illness) is hurting those around you.

thanks so much for your replies pru.
I do not think about killing myself (or anyone else) but I do fantasise about leaving, with the kids, or sometimes just wanting to escape.
I have wondered as I'm driving what would happen if I ran into a lorry, would dp know what to feed the kids. Sober up sharpish then and then feel all shaky for thinking it.
Do I sound like a basket case, I bloody feel like one so often.
I'm noy bad all the time, I can be ok 95% but the 5% is so so so bad. infact dp would says 95% of the time he is here I'm bad, - he is way atm with work and things are peaceful.
But he is not the problem, I love him dearly, but have no sex drive, no affection and shun intimacy. He is patient and caring, no pressure, calm, infact too bloody calm.
Am rambling now oooops.
Will have to dig around for appt with decent GP though, some of them around here make me look normal for crazy behaviour

I used to worry when I was driving - I'd have a fleeting thought about crashing into the motorway barrier, and then obsess about it - thinking through all possible outcomes and scaring myself. It's a form of OCD and has now gone completely.

My dh was too good as well - it caused me problems because I used to subconciously compare myslef to him and find myself wanting in oh so many ways. And I hated sex - and the more I hated it the more I beat myself up about it, and so the more stressed I got over it.

You need something to call a halt to the vicious downward spiral of over analysis and self-criticism. For me, that something was AD's, though it took me a long time to get over the stigma of failure that I felt surrounded taking them. It was only after I'd stopped that more than people (not including my parenst) knew I was on them.

I do know exactly where you are coming from - e-mail me on prufrock at hotmail.com if you'd like to chat about it some time - you might not think it now but it is possible to get your happy self back

oh god piff, the lot of the modern mother is angry making. it really is. the lot of modern working man is angry making.

we are filled with rage.

does the label help you?. It is useful if so.

if not, forget it.

anger is an energy. don't supress it, go with it, find out about it, and use it!

You know soph's right about it being an energy. i used to expend so mcuh energy being angry or trying to stop being angry taht i had none left for anything else.

Piffle - I completely understand. Particularly that feeling that things are worse when calm, helpful, rational DH is around.

I've done AD's (which helped) and counselling. I started off thinking that I was a flawed and awful person (and sometimes I still think that tbh), but I agree with sophable, that anger can be very useful. I am doing some exploring of it and it is scary, but the more I understand it, the further away the rage seems toe be.

Still lash out and snap - and poor DH cops it more than anyone else.

This is so amazingly helpful I cannot believe it. I thought I was the only one being so wicked!
pru I may well email you. I could write what you write. So glad to hear you are through other side.

How are you feeling today piffle?

Did you ever read redmist's thread - there were some very useful practical tips on controlling the anger, and lots of people admitting to having been through it