I've posted about my DH before and had a lot of support, thank you. I'm sorry if this isn't the right place for this thread but I am full of guilt about my ND husband & I need a handhold.
He was diagnosed with ADHD 10 years ago but only started medication last year.
Previously his coping mechanisms have been to let me do everything & whilst I had my reasons, I feel I let myself by enabling him.
Since I stopped, and have been pushing him to actually do something himself; he has just spiralled. He cannot cope with being a half-decent father, an equal partner, an employee and living overseas. In the past what's fallen down is the father/partner element but since I put my foot down on this we have come to realise he just can't do all of them.
He's had time off work which helps short term but once back he can't cope. He's been pushing me to move back to the UK but I'm loathe to uproot our young kids from all they know, when I genuinely don't think he'd be any better there.
He started Ritalin in October but the mood swings were just horrific & it culminated in an episode where he was hitting himself in the head saying he wanted to die. In front of our 8yo.
He stopped the Ritalin and tried another medication but it's starting to go the same way. His anxiety is through the roof (checking blood pressure very hour, rattling every window and door every night to check it's locked, waking kids up to check they're breathing..) and he's just totally overwhelmed by simple tasks.
He has a psychiatrist for meds & 3 different psychotherapists, but he "doesn't feel they're helping". I feel this is because any time someone asks him to actually DO SOMETHING he can't. He's overwhelmed. But he doesn't tell them that. He just goes away and doesn't do it. And constantly complains to me that they aren't giving him the support he wants. But he isn't telling them what he wants. For example starting meds he didn't have a proper titration process - but he didn't ask for one! He also masks very well sometimes so I think a lot of the time they don't realise how bad he can be.
He is at the point where he is angry with me all for "not supporting him" but he can't tell me what that looks like. It feels like if I disagree with anything he says I am "starting arguments" and "not understanding his condition".
He hates himself. He hates the country we live him. He hates all the people in it as "no one will help him". He hates his job. I think he probably hates me and the kids sometimes, although he hasn't said it.
I came with him to our GP yesterday and said all this. I told the GP that he's twice said he wants to die. And both times I've had to physically hold him down to stop him hurting himself. But I'm getting to the point where I don't want him around my kids, and if he has one of these episode again when I'm not there, what will happen?
The GP has sent him straight to a residential psychiatric clinic. I don't know how long he'll be there. I feel torn between relief that he isn't here, thrilled that he might actually get some help, and also a huge guilt feeling that I'm locking him up. I keep thinking "is he really that bad", but he must be or they'd have sent him away.
Please someone tell me it will be ok