Does my depressed husband really not love me anymore?

[champagnetears]

My husband has said he doesn’t love me anymore, he’s said he can’t pretend / blame the depression for it.

Everything I’ve read online says it’s likely it’s the depression talking but he’s seeing a therapist (and has been for 4 months) and things aren’t improving.

We have a toddler, do I keep my last bit of dignity and walk away? Or do I stand by him, even if he walks away?

I posted a few months ago wondering if he had post natal depression. I’m spiralling.

Has he seen a GP/ on medication?

He’s flat out refused medication. He doesn’t want pills to make him “feel”.

I would be reluctant to make major decisions when someone is this unwell. I say this as someone who has been in a relationship where my partner was depressed. He was extremely loving and attentive but this switched overnight. During a well period later things were wonderful again. I would try and try and prioritise your mental well being too OP. My partner and I had a pause for many months, we spoke on video etc but did not physically see each other. I remember how soul destroying it was talking to an almost stranger. I almost went under myself.

He has made the decision and walked out. I am truly devastated.

So so sorry op.. such a difficult circumstance to be faced with. Know it isn’t anything to do with you - he is ill- but this doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love and a caring partner. You do. I think it’s time to put yourself first and be your own best friend. He may come back but for now be very kind to yourself and put yourself first. I came here to say my dad suffered from depression and it was so hard for my mum to be the rock behind it all; I remember all the focus being on my dad being unwell but I saw as an adult that actually she carried the biggest burden. xxxxxx

I'm so sorry OP. Do you have any support?

I was going to say to suggest he try tablets for a couple of months to see what happens and to see if he still feels the same about it. I wonder if that might not be the best idea now and might just push him away.

Does he have family you can talk to? Remind him that in all of this you are his friend. And look after yourself.

I do, but they’re all friends who are wonderful for emotional support. My parents are in a different city and my only option is going to be to move to be closer to them as I won’t be able to do nursery etc by myself. Husband has said he’ll help, but realistically he can’t live in a hotel forever and neither of us could afford to live where we currently do as single people.

He is my everything, I love him so much and it is killing me that he doesn’t love me anymore.

I'm really sorry, and hope you have someone who can be with you in real life.

Hopefully this is just the illness, but if he doesn't get help then unfortunately there is no guarantee he will realise that.

Mental illness can make someone very selfish. They're just not capable of thinking of anyone but themselves. They can lash out and blame everyone else around them, because it's "easier".

Sounds like he really needs medication. But a lot of people are foolishly too proud to ask for help. He will eventually.

In the meantime you can only look after yourself and your dear child. I would move closer to family/ friends to get some support. It is hard on your own mental health being with someone depressed. Good luck OP.

You must get your own support and not let your own mental health suffer. It will be so so hard. I often think there is not enough support for people living with the depressed. It is vital that you put yourself and your child first. I speak from experience. Me and my husband spent two years apart. We are back together now and a lot stronger than we were before but he is a lot better now. I had to put myself first and I was the one who walked away as I was being dragged down and I had 2 kids to prioritise. Please look after yourself.

Thank you all. I’m heartbroken, overwhelmed and terrified.