Finding it hard to pretend I'm not depressed

[MrsSnape]

I've been fighting the feelings of depression for the past few months, I keep telling myself I'm ok, I just need to sort a few things out but I'm not ok.

My major problem is that I can't find work. I'm searching everyday and every advert says they need experience and I have none. I had my son at 17 and have not worked since (his dad always worked full time) but since I'm now on my own it's important that I work.

I'm stuck in a horrible little council house, I hate it. We live on the worst estate in Hull, I can't even let my kids play outside because the local kids won't leave them alone and they end up getting chased of get their bikes taken off them etc.

I can't move without having a job.

I have no money, I'm walking around like a tramp in a coat that is 8 years old because I can't afford any clothes. To make matter worse, my Next Catalogue has just raised my limit to over £700 and its staring me in the face saying "go on, sod the debt..." but I can't, I hate debt.

I see these other people coming home from work to their loving husbands, jetting off on holiday once a year, going to the sea-side at weekends and what do I do...come home from taking the kids to school, waste the day bored to death looking for work, sit down on a night to 4 walls and a TV, no company, nothing to look foward to. I have no friends, family don't bother.

I think its time I stopped telling myself that I'm not depressed so now that I've admitted it, what can I do? nobody is going to give me a job still

If your situation was different and you just wanted a job as you were ready to go back to work,what would your ideal job be ?

How old are your children? Are you free in the day to work?

Could you do some voluntary work, or study at a local college? Gaining a qualification is good for your confidence.

I know what it's like living in clothes that have seen better days. Can you try your local Freecycle? They often have clothes being given away on ours, and you can ask for specific things.

PS. Don't buy from the Next catalogue on credit, but you know that anyway...

how many kids? how old?
how old are you?
have you ever done any job?
what would you like to do?
what do you think you might be able to do?

Make an appointment with your gp too, and tell him or her how you are feeling. Your circumstances are difficult, but the fact that you don't feel you have friends indicates that you might be geniunely depressed in any case. ADs can help loads - especially with making you feel more sociable, but the gp may have access to other things that might help - couselling, gym sessions, support groups, etc.

have yu thought about using an council house excange site? if you hate where you are living?

i agree with the others who said you should see your gp.you will need help to get out of this depressed state before you can make the changes you need.

first thing, see your GP and get your depression assessed. if you need ADs don't beat yourself up about it, they really can work alongside some regular counselling.

Once you're feeling a little better it would be a really great idea to start volunteering somewhere locally while you're looking for a job. it'll build up your skills and your confidence and could well lead you into doing something you really love.

I know it's hard now, when you look around and see what everyone else is doing. but you will get there. try not to think about them and just focus on practical steps you can take each day to ease your situation. comparing oneself to others is something i have to stop myself from doing on a daily basis.

if you have time during the day when the kids are at school what about setting an hour aside to do something you really used to enjoy? maybe painting/sewing/drawing/ teaching yourself a language- anything that takes you out of yourself and refreshes you so that you can feel like your old self again.

it will take time and patience but you can start to feel better given time, be kind to yourself.

It is really hard to know what you want from life when you have been putting your family first for so long. Its very easy to forget what you enjoy, passions and interests etc when day to day its just a real, real struggle.

So first, I think you need to take lots of baby steps. A course at your local college or library is a good start. Volunteers are always needed and welcomed-shops, listening to children read, www.do-it.org is an excellent website, where you type in your postcode and they tell you all the opportunities in your area

can you take your children with you? or your eldest as it may be easier for you