*trigger warning* so sick of suicidal thoughts

[Orbunal]

It's just so tiring now I have them, it feels like only a matter of time until I give in to them. I never used to have them but once I started my brain just goes there. I hate it. I wish I could be like the person I was before I started having them.

Please, have any of you experienced similar and how did you come back from it?

Didn't want to read and run. Your poor thing. Have you got any external support?

I'm rubbish at saying the right thing but I hope you can find someone to talk to properly about this but we're here in the meantime.

Please get yourself to a place of safety to receive help, a&e is appropriate.

When did you start having them? And (if you are comfortable saying) do you know what started them?

Please call a medical professional.

Do you ever call the Samaritans? They are experienced in supporting people with this. Call them once or a thousand times, they will listen and be with you.

The thoughts are painful, but more common than you might think.

Lots of people recover from this.

It might be helpful to talk to a therapist about what's underlying this. Also speak to your GP if they don't already know.

I'd suggest Samaritans as first port of call, you will wait hours in A&E.

Just ring them as soon as the thought appears in your head.

Talk about it to them. Talk openly and honestly about it. They will advise you based on whether it is just a thought (painful but not in immediate danger) or it is closer to becoming an action (progressively more dangerous).

Also is there someone in real life who knows?

Can you self refer to IAPT NHS talking therapies. Theres a course for people with suicidal thoughts called CAM-S that's very effective or DBT for chronic thoughts.

Been there and I get it.

Please find the strength to get the support you need. I've now got a brilliant medical routine based on fluoxetine (works great for me) and exercise. I thought it was impossible too. I'm happy. Genuinely and you can be too.

I know it feels awful, but please seek help and support to get the right intervention for you.

We're so sorry you're feeling this way, OP.
We can see that you've already been given good advice and support from other Mumsnetters, but we just wanted to add some links to organisations which may be able to give you some help in real life too.
First of all, here's a link to our Mental Health resources. There are many organisations listed which can provide you with some support. If you're feeling very low, you can contact the Samaritans, any time, by emailing [email protected] or by calling 116 123.
You can also get help from a text service called Shout 85258. Its trained volunteers are available all hours of the day and night to listen and support you to get to a calmer and safe place. It's a free, confidential, anonymous service for anyone in the UK and it won’t appear on your phone bill.
And finally, here's a link to Mind's pages on Tips for everyday living and How to improve your mental wellbeing.
Sending good wishes, OP.
We really hope you're okay.

I get it. I get suicidal thoughts and ideation etc.. I've just never acted on it as my kids and dh are the ones who are keeping me alive. Do you have support? Please go see your GP and get the help you deserve 💚

Also don't want to read and run.
You poor poor thing. You are needed.

I'm going to join the Samaritans as a volunteer to help people in your position because I'm supporting a friend whose young adult son took his own life with no warning or awareness that he was suffering.

If I could wind back the clock and reach out to him and support I would as my friend and all of his friends are utterly devastated and broken by his sudden vanishing.

Please look after yourself and ring the Samaritans so you move forward away from these terrible thoughts you are plagued with.

I can relate to you, I'm dealing with the same horrible thoughts.

I saw my GP a few days ago, I didn't feel I could mention this, but I did mention that I self-harm.

My medication has been increased and I'm having counselling, privately. Please tell someone, it's too much to deal with alone. Nothing will change if you don't and you deserve not to feel this way.

Take care of yourself.

Thank you so much. You are all very lovely.

I am still here!

I went to the crisis centre. There is one in town. I spoke to the most lovely woman, she was like an angel really. She was so calm.

I know what has provoked this. I just didn't know what to do about it.

I still don't really, but I know I want to live.

I had a moment earlier, after a day of frustrating things. I was getting my shopping back to the car and I'd put it in my holdall on top of the car keys and I got pissed off at myself being so disorganised having to take everything out one by one in the trolley and my holdall being dirty and I was hot, flustered, squinting in the sun, and I thought ... one day, there won't be this holdall, and all this nice shopping, and my nice car that I can't find the keys for, and one day my home will be gone, and I won't be here either, and every thing that I do will be over, and that will be it, and that will be terrible, and I don't want that to happen, not today. I could make that happen today, but I don't want to. I want all the things that make up my shitty life to continue as long as it can because it's my life and it matters. To me if no one else. And I am as good as anyone else.

I will get through this. Thank you.

You sound exactly like me. I don't want to die but I don't want to live like this.

We got this. Keep in touch, I am fighting alongside you 💚

Well done, that's a very important first step. You deserve this. I wish you every success.

Good to see you Orbunal ❤️

It sounds like you would benefit from brain working recursive therapy. It's only private though, not on the NHS.

Well done for taking that brave first step, we're all behind you.
I hope it helps you also but you're not alone and it's ok to feel this way. It will pass and you will come to realise how valuable you are.

Thank you.

You are all stellar people and so wise and kind.